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Band 6.5

"Old people are an essential part of society, so they should be respected.” How much do you agree with this opinion and why? Give reasons and examples to support your answer

#people #part #society #support
In
this
 life,
people
 from different ages group has important roles, especially the older ones.
People
 who live longer than younger have positive impacts on others' lives,
such
 as parents or teachers. With
this
 role, we should be polite to them. In
this
 essay, I will delve into my reasons why I totally agree with
this
 given statement. First of all, older
people
 have more knowledge of surviving in
this
 life because of their experiences. They
also
 teach us how to live life right and provide useful advice.
For instance
, parents have a tough task to teach their children to be nice
people
. They would provide all in
this
 world to ensure their children grow better.
That is
 why, we as younger should respect our parents' struggle when they nurture us.
Moreover
, elderly
people
 have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 spirit to face all conditions in
this
 world. As we know, there are a lot of grandparents who still go to work despite their ages.
This
 phenomenon makes us more spirited
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
through all the tough days because we feel challenged, how can we as young adults lose to old
people
?
Besides
, respecting older
people
 is the bare minimum that everyone should do. When we are polite to others indirectly they
also
 care about us. In conclusion, I believe that young adults should be respected by older ones because manners are something that bonded long ago. Older
people
 have struggled to pave the way for us so we can continue
this
 day more conveniently.
Submitted by helainhye2 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a logical flow, with clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph. This will aid in creating a coherent structure.
coherence cohesion
Maintain focus on the main topic throughout the essay, and make sure that each paragraph has a clear purpose that contributes to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices effectively to link ideas across sentences and paragraphs. Avoid overusing certain phrases or words. Instead, demonstrate a variety of language.
task achievement
Address the task fully by developing your main ideas thoroughly with explanations, arguments, and examples. Expand more on how exactly older people contribute to society, and how this links to the necessity for respect.
task achievement
Ensure that the ideas presented are comprehensive and explore different facets of the topic. For example, discuss other ways in which elderly people contribute to society, and how respect can be demonstrated in various contexts.
task achievement
Include specific, relevant examples to support each point made. Real-world examples or citing research could strengthen the overall argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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