IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some young people are sent to prison for minor crimes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such imprisonment?

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It is true that some youths are thrown into jail for minor criminal activities.
This
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 essay will highlight the benefits and drawbacks that result from
this
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 approach.
To begin
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 with the positives, a significant advantage of
such
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 an approach is that it is likely to deter young adults from committing any kind of
crime
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 whether serious or minor.
This
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 means that they tend to be more conscious about their actions in order not to serve custodial sentences for petty acts of
crime
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.
Otherwise
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, in terms of driving offences, some young individuals might take it easy if they have an accident.
This
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 is because usually it can be dealt with by driving penalties. Not only
this
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, but
this
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 measure could enhance safety.
Although
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 patrolling the street is helpful to some extent, it is an alternative way to tackle acts of abuse.
In other words
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, the number of rapists, shoplifters, pickpocketers, and other wrongdoers would fall sharply.
Consequently
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, many children are allowed by their parents to play with their peers on the street with less risk of awful incidents.
On the other hand
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, throwing people who are young to jail
also
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present
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presents
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 disadvantages. The most obvious of which is the number of serious criminals would increase. To make matters worse, it has
shown
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been shown
show examples
 that some individuals may enter a life of
crime
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 as they can interact with persistent and dangerous offenders in prison. In consequence, after serving their sentences and punishments which were enforced it is rare to become reformed and productive members of society.
Moreover
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, with regard to expenses, the government has to spend a great amount of money.
This
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 is because more prisons should be built as the number of offenders grows,
while
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, it is more efficient and beneficial to spend money on other faculties
for example
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, education, industry, economics and many others in order to improve employment opportunities and make progress in the country. In conclusion, despite the benefits of criminal deterrents and advances in the safety area that
such
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this
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 approach can provide, the drawbacks of high expenses and risks of turning to
crime
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 should
also
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 be taken into account.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance cohesion, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to clearly link ideas within and between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Integrate more complex sentence structures and varied vocabulary to develop arguments more fully and express ideas more precisely.
task achievement
Elaborate on the main points by providing more detailed examples and deeper analysis to support your arguments.
task achievement
Aim to achieve a balanced discussion by exploring both sides of the question equally and recognizing complex issues where appropriate.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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