The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today's fast-paced life, obesity seems to be increasing
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
a huge ratio special among the young ones, which can cause health issues. there are, some schools of thought, that believe that
this
situation can be controlled by introducing an extra activity in
school
for physical exercise.
However
, in my opinion, completely agree with
this
notion and
further
elaborate on the reason for
this
. There are many reasons to support
this
. To commence with, learning about a healthy lifestyle in
school
can become routine for all the pupils which leads them to do any physical activities easily.
Additionally
, having knowledge about the right workout and following the steps, may result in developing the profession as they grow old.
Lastly
, giving lessons about aerobic fitness, not only assisted children, but
also
their parents. Since children always have a habit of telling the day activities
due to
the father and mother, they can participate equally in
this
to motivate their children.
Besides
, certain fitness is a must in daily routine.
School
plays and vital role when it comes to learning new activities owing to
this
, fitness must be taught in
school
as
school
can mould the young ones in whatever shape they want.
On the contrary
,having an extra activity can be a burden on some students.
Moreover
, making them do physical exercise at a young age may lead to, and
due to
that babies may get affected physically and mentally. Agglomerating the above information can happen
while
doing any physical action.
However
, taking tiny steps to a healthy life can save us from obesity
Submitted by prajapatinishi2001 on

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introduction conclusion present
The essay contains an introduction and conclusion, which helps provide a framework, but the conclusion could be more directly tied to the arguments presented. Try to clearly summarize the main points and connect them back to the essay prompt.
clear comprehensive ideas
While your essay presents a central idea, there are instances where the argument lacks clarity. The idea of developing a profession from healthy habits is interesting but needs more clarity and explanation. How does physical education in schools translate to future career opportunities? Address this more concretely.
logical structure
Consider revising sections where ideas are cut off or incomplete, such as "can be a burden on some students." Instead, clearly state the potential negative effects of mandatory physical education.
supported main points
Your essay touches on interesting perspectives, such as the benefit of involving parents and the long-term impact on students. These are unique angles that add depth to your response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity rates
  • health care system
  • physical education
  • instill
  • long term
  • raise awareness
  • healthier lifestyle choices
  • nutritional education
  • active transport
  • quality of instruction
  • facilities and equipment
  • diet control initiatives
  • community sports programs
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