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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram below show the life cycle of the silkworm and the stages in the production of silk cloth

The diagram below show the life cycle of the silkworm and the stages in the production of silk cloth
#show #life #cycle #silkworm #stages #production #silk #cloth
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The first diagram shows the life cycle of the
silkworm
Use synonyms
. The second diagram
depecits
Correct your spelling
depicts
 the production of
slik
Correct your spelling
silk
cloth
Use synonyms
. I will explain the life cycle of
Use synonyms
silkworm
Fix the agreement mistake
silkworms
show examples
 and how the
cloth
Use synonyms
 is been manufactured in
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
pragraphs
Correct your spelling
paragraphs
.
Overall
Linking Words
,the diagram shows the stage of
Use synonyms
silkworm
Fix the agreement mistake
silkworms
show examples
 and how
cocoons
Use synonyms
 are used for producing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
silk
cloth
Use synonyms
 through a simple
process
Use synonyms
. To start,
at the first stage
Linking Words
 moth lays eggs which form
silkworm
Use synonyms
larva
Fix the agreement mistake
larvae
show examples
 after ten days.The larva feeds mulberry leaf as food and it takes four to six weeks to form silk thread and
then
Linking Words
 it forms
cocoon
Correct article usage
a cocoon
show examples
 which
Linking Words
last
Change the verb form
lasts
show examples
 for three to eight days.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
 cocoon
becames
Correct your spelling
becomes
became
adult
Correct article usage
an adult
show examples
 moth after
16days
Correct your spelling
16 days
. The
process
Use synonyms
 of silk
cloth
Use synonyms
 begins with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
selecting the
cocoons
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. The second
process
Use synonyms
 is
selected
Wrong verb form
selecting
show examples
cocoons
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
that is
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 boiled in water in a pot.Boiled
cocoons
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 undergo
unwinding
Add an article
an unwinding
the unwinding
show examples
process
Use synonyms
 and
changed
Add a missing verb
are changed
show examples
 to 300meter to 900meter threads.
Next
Correct article usage
The next
show examples
 step is thread are twisted and those twisted threads are dyed and
then
Linking Words
 used to produce
cloth
Use synonyms
 in the weaving stage.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words silkworm, cloth, cocoons, process with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • diagram
  • life cycle
  • silkworm
  • stages
  • production
  • silk cloth
  • overview
  • explanation
  • comparison
  • processes
  • conclusion
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