Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

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this
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day and age, many youngsters are facing high pressures. There are several reasons for
this
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alarming trend, but measures could certainly be taken to tackle the problem. From my perspective, two main triggers are to blamed for the way many young people are being stressed from school, community and business viewpoints.
Firstly
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, the growing expectations of
parents
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are indirectly pressuring their children. In recent years, young people strive to perform well both academically and socially in order to please their
parents
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.
Secondly
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, educational requirements are becoming more challenging and learning environments are turning into academic battlefields which leads to a child being compelled to compete to become better than the others.
Finally
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, the commercial is the major factor putting children under pressure mainly because they play a vital role in consumption decisions from that many companies or brands tend to cynically exploit
this
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target group to increase sales. The heaviness of teenagers can certainly be improved. I believe that the change must start with
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, who have a pivotal role in setting up the development of children. To reduce pressure,
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should not strictly impose their expectations on their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children

It seems that child may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
. On the one hand, schools perhaps promote constructive competitiveness and a friendly learning environment.
Moreover
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, educators in collaboration with the government should create ad-free zones at schools and certain public places where young people can be saved from commercial influences. In a nutshell,
while
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there are evident reasons that bring about
this
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phenomenon, I believe that great efforts from
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, educators and governments are necessary to reverse the trend.

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame your essay. To enhance these, ensure your conclusion mirrors the introduction, restating the key points and reiterating your stance.
coherence cohesion
You have supported your main points but providing more detailed examples in each paragraph would strengthen your arguments. Concrete examples make your point more convincing and the essay more engaging.
task achievement
To enrich your task achievement score, ensure that you fully develop your ideas and examples. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea supported by specific and in-depth elaboration.
task achievement
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task achievement
Incorporating more specific and varied examples would enhance your relevance and cohesion, and help you to demonstrate comprehensive coverage of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic pressure
  • globalized world
  • competitive education system
  • social media influences
  • cyberbullying
  • commercial pressures
  • aggressive marketing
  • materialistic desires
  • peer pressure
  • high expectations
  • standardized testing
  • quantifiable performance
  • stress and anxiety
  • extracurricular achievements
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