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Writing Samples
Band 6

It is expected in the near future to have increased number of aged population

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It is undeniable that with the advancement in medicine,
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy has considerably increased
due to
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 which the older
population
Use synonyms
 surpass the younger
population
Use synonyms
 in many parts of the world. In my opinion, it is a positive
as well as
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 negative development and the reasons behind will be explained in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, there are several advantages of having an aged
population
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, both ageing and experience are parallel concepts, so they must have a wealth of knowledge and wisdom which contributes a lot to the well-being of society.
Also
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, with the help of their mentorship and better decision-making skills, they definitely work for the betterment of the community.
Apart from
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this
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, in many countries, old people play a crucial role in providing support to their families. They,
for example
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, can look after children which allows parents to concentrate on their professional
life
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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,
while
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 playing with their grandchildren, they
also
Linking Words
 pass their expertise and knowledge to them.
As a result
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, it helps them in becoming a person with great manners.
However
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, the increasing number of elderly
population
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 bring problems.
Initially
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, they are more likely to be a burden on
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 because owing to their condition, they can strain public healthcare systems and pension schemes, potentially leading to higher taxes and reduced services for all as most of the governmental institutes try to promote hospitals and age care facilities for them which indicate more pressure on young people for paying high taxes.
Therefore
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, the younger workforce feels stress and might face challenges in maintaining economic growth, forcing them to adapt by automating more jobs or encouraging immigration.
To conclude
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,
although
Linking Words
 elder people provide us with great
life
Use synonyms
 lessons and motivate us to go
further
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 in our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, they
also
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bring
Verb problem
put
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 high pressure on taxpayers because they
also
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 have healthcare amenities in abundance.
Hence
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, it is necessary
for maintaining
Change preposition
to maintain
show examples
 a balance between both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea of the paragraph.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make your points more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The response demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and addresses both positive and negative aspects.
coherence and cohesion
Ideas are generally clear and logically sequenced, which makes the essay easy to follow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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