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Writing Samples
Band 6

Advantages and disadvantages of living in the villages.

#villages
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In recent years, some individuals from cities have become interested in living in calm and peaceful
villages
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. There are lots of channels and bloggers around the world who enhance and suggest
people
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this
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 lifestyle by their own experience. Despite the popularity of
this
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 trend
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,
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there are both positive and negative sides of
this
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 phenomenon.The following essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of
village
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 living. On the one hand
life
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 in a
village
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 involves happiness and peace most
people
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 lack nowadays.
First,
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village
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 inhabitants have access to grow plants themselves, consume natural products and keep domesticated animals.
As a result
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, a healthy lifestyle will provide them with a long and healthy
life
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. First of all,
village
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people
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 enjoy the process of producing goods on their own.
Second,
Linking Words
life
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 in the
village
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 is more peaceful and calm, which means
village
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 inhabitants will be able to avoid stress and depression.
Third,
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people
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 from
villages
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 are more physically diligent because of funny and the same time challenging obligations they do on a regular basis. The more physical activities the healthier
people
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.
On the other hand
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village
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 dwellers face distinctive challenges.
Firstly
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, the lack of skilled and qualified teachers and doctors in
villages
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 will decrease the quality of
village
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 inhabitants'
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
As a consequence
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 it might be hard enough to get a successful future for
village
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 residents
Secondly
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, an extremely essential transportation service is not enhanced in
such
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 areas.
As a result
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,
people
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 from
villages
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 tend to have time management problems.
Thirdly
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, normally an ordinary
village
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 liver doesn’t have helpful habits
such
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 as reading books, being a member of self–developing environments, and getting acquainted with nice and intelligent
people
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 every day.
As a result
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, they are likely to have a boring
life
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 experience. In summary, nowadays
people
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 are able to have a successful and enjoyable
lives
Correct the article-noun agreement
life
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 with the help of the Internet. In my view
village
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 dwellers should do everything possible to live happily and successfully in spite of the destination they
livein
Correct your spelling
live in
.
Submitted by dias-90-a on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, it would be beneficial to ensure a smooth and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Using a wider range of connectives and transition phrases can help your reader understand the relationship between points more clearly.
Task Achievement
For task achievement, aim to expand on your examples by offering more specific details. Clear and comprehensive examples can strengthen your points and help underpin arguments with real-world relevance.
Task Achievement
Consider organizing supporting points and examples within well-structured paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea, supported by relevant details and examples that align with the advantage or disadvantage being discussed.
Coherence & Cohesion
Be cautious of repetitious phrases and seek to use a broader vocabulary to express ideas and arguments. Avoid overusing certain phrases or words.
Task Achievement
Ensure there is a balance in the detail you provide for both advantages and disadvantages. Both aspects should be explored to a similar depth to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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