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The amount of time spend on sport and exercise should be increased in schools in order to tackle the problem of overweight children. Do you think this the best way to deal with this problem? What other solutions can you suggest?

#amount #time #sport #exercise #schools #children
There is a ubiquitous belief among people that more time being spent on
sports
 and exercises in
schools
 can play an effective role for
students
 who suffer from obesity.
Although
 many individuals consider
this
 way, not the best one, I am inclined to believe that it would have been greatly influential if only it had been implemented in the right way.
This
 essay will
further
 elaborate my views for
favoring
Change the spelling
favouring
show examples
 the impacts and
thus
, will lead to a logical conclusion.
Firstly
, it is a widely held belief that
students
 who are used to doing more
exercise
 and staying physically active, are more likely to have boosted mental health, higher temper, better mood, and depleted excessive energy. All these factors can cause
students
 to stay more concentrated
as well as
 help them to have motivation to show off their abilities.
For example
, a large number of
schools
 in Japan determine
sports
 programs among which
students
 are able to choose both personally and in groups. Providing these kinds of activities has made a lot of
students
 in Japanese
schools
 show better performance.
Secondly
, on its contrasting side, people who hold another viewpoint say that adding the time dedicated to
sports
 and exercises in
schools
 cannot help overweight
students
 to lose weight or stay active. Other factors including nutritional habits, physical health, mental status, genes, traits, and similar items can play a key role in causing obesity.
For example
, a pupil may have the vice of overeating when she is stressed. In support of
this
 reason, not only obesity and
such
 problems cannot be solely solved by allocating extra hours for
exercise
, but
also
, they must
also
 be addressed at their roots. Seeing the problem with a brighter mind, many solutions can be helpful to curb
this
 menace. One of the solutions is introducing a healthy lifestyle, doing
exercise
, and all the benefits they bring to the
students
. Had the
students
 learned how to choose a healthy lifestyle, they would automatically be prevented from being obese. In conclusion, after taking the aforementioned points into consideration, I believe that even if increasing the time spent on
sports
 and
exercise
 is not a determining factor in losing weight for obese children, it can play an effective role in achieving that and it is better to be done.
Submitted by mojgan.sobhani on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to structure your essay with clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence, and that the subsequent sentences elaborate on that particular point. Avoid over-complicating the structure by introducing too many ideas in one paragraph.
task achievement
Provide a balance in discussing both sides of the argument, ensuring you respond directly to the question. Include a clear opinion or thesis statement early in the essay to guide the reader on your stance. Support your arguments with specific, rather than general, examples to strengthen your task response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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