The amount of time spend on sport and exercise should be increased in schools in order to tackle the problem of overweight children. Do you think this the best way to deal with this problem? What other solutions can you suggest?

#amount #time #sport #exercise #schools #children

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There is a ubiquitous belief among people that more time being spent on

sports

and exercises in

schools

can play an effective role for

students

who suffer from obesity.

Although

many individuals consider

this

way, not the best one, I am inclined to believe that it would have been greatly influential if only it had been implemented in the right way.

This

essay will

further

elaborate my views for

favoring

Change the spelling

favouring

show examples

the impacts and

thus

, will lead to a logical conclusion.

Firstly

, it is a widely held belief that

students

who are used to doing more

exercise

and staying physically active, are more likely to have boosted mental health, higher temper, better mood, and depleted excessive energy. All these factors can cause

students

to stay more concentrated

as well as

help them to have motivation to show off their abilities.

For example

, a large number of

schools

in Japan determine

sports

programs among which

students

are able to choose both personally and in groups. Providing these kinds of activities has made a lot of

students

in Japanese

schools

show better performance.

Secondly

, on its contrasting side, people who hold another viewpoint say that adding the time dedicated to

sports

and exercises in

schools

cannot help overweight

students

to lose weight or stay active. Other factors including nutritional habits, physical health, mental status, genes, traits, and similar items can play a key role in causing obesity.

For example

, a pupil may have the vice of overeating when she is stressed. In support of

this

reason, not only obesity and

such

problems cannot be solely solved by allocating extra hours for

exercise

, but

also

, they must

also

be addressed at their roots. Seeing the problem with a brighter mind, many solutions can be helpful to curb

this

menace. One of the solutions is introducing a healthy lifestyle, doing

exercise

, and all the benefits they bring to the

students

. Had the

students

learned how to choose a healthy lifestyle, they would automatically be prevented from being obese. In conclusion, after taking the aforementioned points into consideration, I believe that even if increasing the time spent on

sports

and

exercise

is not a determining factor in losing weight for obese children, it can play an effective role in achieving that and it is better to be done.

Submitted by mojgan.sobhani on Wed Jan 31 2024

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coherence cohesion

Make sure to structure your essay with clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence, and that the subsequent sentences elaborate on that particular point. Avoid over-complicating the structure by introducing too many ideas in one paragraph.

task achievement

Provide a balance in discussing both sides of the argument, ensuring you respond directly to the question. Include a clear opinion or thesis statement early in the essay to guide the reader on your stance. Support your arguments with specific, rather than general, examples to strengthen your task response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

382 words

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The amount of time spend on sport and exercise should be increased in schools in order to tackle the problem of overweight children. Do you think this the best way to deal with this problem? What other solutions can you suggest?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the word. What are your opinions on this:

The world is consuming natural resources faster than they can be renewed. Therefore, it is important that products are made to last. Governments should discourage people from constantly buying more up-to-date or fashionable products. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

More and more people are moving to cities to look for work. What are the problems does this cause? What are the possible solutions?

Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?