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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries today, children are taught from a young age that competition is important and that winning is everything. Is this a positive or a negative development?

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While
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 it is considered by myriad
of
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apply
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nations that children should be in a competitive atmosphere and focus on winning, others raise concerns about potential disadvantages related to
this
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 approach.
This
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 essay seeks to explore both the arguments associated with
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
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 and cons of introducing
competition
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 in education.
Although
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 it acknowledges some concerns,
yet
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apply
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the essay leans towards the positive effects of competitive education. The underlying factors of belief in having
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
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 ambience in schools and colleges are two-fold. In apropos of
this
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, the predominant one is that
competition
Use synonyms
 facilitates the development of crucial life skills in children as when students engage in competitive activities, they learn resilience which
further
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 allows them to face challenges without being of challenging situations in life and in
this
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 way, they ultimately develop successful traits for future.
Moreover
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, since students have to adapt
in
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to
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 various situations in a
competition
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, it develops many skills in them
such
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 as critical thinking,
problem solving
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problem-solving
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 and leadership qualities which help them to meet the demands of
this
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 challenging world in future.
However
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, critics express issues with having a competitive atmosphere as it
puts
Verb problem
has
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 negative effects on students’
well being
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well-being
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.
Firstly
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, when
competition
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 is introduced
in
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at
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young
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a young
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 age, they feel stressed and anxious especially when they do not win it which directly affects their mental health and
overall
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 academic performance.
Furthermore
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, when pupils get involved in competitions, they not only just cheat sometimes to win
it
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apply
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, but
also
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 limit their imagination and creativity.
Consequently
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, it stops them from thinking of exciting ideas. In conclusion, Despite
of
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apply
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the negative potential outcomes, the development of vital skills
of
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in
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 life outweighs the drawbacks.
To
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In
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add
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addition
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, maintaining a balance is crucial for
holistic
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the holistic
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 growth of youngsters.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that these ideas progress logically throughout your essay. Use a range of linking words to create better flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points more thoroughly with specific examples or detailed reasoning. Personal examples from your own experience, studies, or observations can enhance your argument's relevance and impact.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achievement
  • drive
  • personal growth
  • self-esteem
  • resilience
  • perseverance
  • strategic thinking
  • pressure
  • time management
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • burnout
  • teamwork
  • cooperation
  • personal success
  • collaborative efforts
  • rivalry
  • camaraderie
  • unethical behavior
  • cheating
  • integrity
  • moral compass
  • long-term consequences
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
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