IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Students at schools and universities learn far more by lessons with their teachers compared to other sources (e.g. television, the Internet). Do you agree or disagree?

#students #schools #universities #lessons #teachers #sources #e #g #television #internet
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In the modern era, since
people
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 pursue efficient learning, they tend to seek perfectly proper sources. Some
people
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 argue that in-person classes provide more
information
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 than other sources
such
Linking Words
 as
television
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 and the
Internet
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. In my opinion, I believe that other types of learning like
television
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 and the
Internet
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 are more effective in relation to learning. In the following essay, I will explain the reason. First and foremost,
people
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 prefer a way to acquire more
information
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. Various
media
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 strive to survive the competition between each other by developing and improving their data.
Such
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 competition provides not only continuous data supply but
also
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 unlimited access to vast amounts of
information
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.
Secondly
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, the materials on sources
such
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 as
television
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 and the
Internet
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,
information
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 are constantly updated.
As a result
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, users can obtain the latest and most recent knowledge. New
information
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 and findings are discovered every day, and it is very significant for
students
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 to learn the most recent facts. Of course, there are some advantages to face-to-face classes. One of them is the opportunity to ask questions to teachers.
For example
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, many
students
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 prefer studying with a teacher even though they have to pay expensive tuition because they can ask questions and get quick answers. Through
this
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 question-and-answer process,
students
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 can experience rapid learning.
However
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, nowadays, via the advance of technology, cutting-edge
media
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 like AI are produced. As
such
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media
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 can give immediate answers which can replace quick responses of teachers.
Students
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 are likely to apply them since they are more convenient and swifter
as well as
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 do not depend on time and place. In conclusion, it is clear
this
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 is a topic which is very relevant to modern society.
Therefore
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, I strongly believe that other types of learning
such
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 as
television
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 and the
Internet
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 will become more and more well-liked since more knowledge compared to face-to-face classes is obtained by them.
Then
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 a significant number of
media
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 that are a more efficient way of studying be encouraged to
people
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 when they study.
Submitted by kk884 on

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coherence cohesion
While your essay generally presents a logical structure, you could enhance the flow of information by creating better connections between individual points. Using a variety of transition words and phrases can help guide the reader more smoothly from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion were present but could be strengthened. Make sure your introduction clearly outlines the points you will discuss, and let your conclusion effectively summarize your argument without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your main points were supported, but try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument. Incorporate real-world instances, studies, statistics, or personal experiences that directly relate to and reinforce your points.
task achievement
Your essay addressed the prompt and provided a complete response but ensure that it maintains focus on the question throughout the essay. Address the reasons why traditional learning might still be beneficial, alongside the advantages of digital sources.
task achievement
Your ideas were generally clear and comprehensive, but sometimes they lack depth. Explaining your reasoning in greater detail and exploring the implications of your arguments can contribute to a more persuasive essay.
task achievement
The essay would benefit from more relevant and specific examples. These provide evidence for your arguments and make your points more convincing. Try to include examples that are not only related to the topic but also underline your understanding of the issue at hand.
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