Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In recent years, many sectors have become digitizing at an unprecedented rate, particularly in the healthcare system , public transportation and interactions. Certain interested parties contend that depending on computers has detrimental effects that should not be ignored. In
this
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essay , I believe
nonetheless
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some drawbacks , technology brings merits to people's
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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. Those who argue that advances in digitalization should filter out from these fields captured that cybercriminals have significantly increased in the
last
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decades. To explain, there are many online stolen in developed countries by hacking the system and stealing what they want.
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people more likely don't trust it any more. Another downside of
this
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trend is eroding traditional skills.
While
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individuals rely on advancements , they may forget their quality which leads to sedentary lifestyles.
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, a new feature on the plane is automation , which means the pilot just stays without doing any manual work. When an urgent situation comes, the plane driver does not know how to act. From another angle, I strongly feel that digital tools have made many simplifications,
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, in the medical sector. In the first place, because of these advances, many diseases can diagnosed and treated properly, which leads to longevity and well-being. Discovering the COVID-19 vaccine has protected many from death. Another remedy is driving easily by using navigation and apps to know what the weather looks like. The effect, in turn, makes transportation more bright.
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, Nowadays, we can connect with others easily and cost-effectively with no geographical barriers.
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,
however
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, Automation has some negative impacts, but there are plenty of benefits that make our lives easier by staying in touch with many things.

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task achievement
Clarify your main argument in the introduction to ensure it reflects a clear stance on the topic. Consider rephrasing to explicitly state your agreement or disagreement with the statement.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow by using clearer transitional phrases between points. This will enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific and relevant examples that directly relate to the argument being made to strengthen your claims and enhance the task achievement.
content
Your essay presents a balanced view by acknowledging both the drawbacks and benefits of computer technology, which showcases critical thinking.
supporting details
You provided relevant examples, particularly in the medical sector, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • reliance
  • cybersecurity
  • over-reliance
  • digital divide
  • data breach
  • cyberbullying
  • diagnostic machines
  • electronic health records
  • automated vehicles
  • predictive maintenance
  • real-time monitoring
  • vulnerability
  • misinformation
  • hacking
  • efficiency
  • navigation systems
  • traditional skills
  • system failures
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