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Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #persons #five #years #bar #arrest #information #features #comparisons
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The charts provide information about
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
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 of
imprionment
Correct your spelling
imprisonment
 of
males
Use synonyms
 and females and
reasons
Use synonyms
 for custody of both groups for five years.
Overall
Linking Words
,
males
Use synonyms
 were arrested more than
women
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
reason
Add an article
the reason
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for
Change preposition
apply
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males
Use synonyms
 were custodied was public driving.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most
women
Use synonyms
 were arrested for public driving in five years.
Use synonyms
Males
Fix the agreement mistake
Male
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 imprisonments were 32% of which just above 30% were public driving ,followed by approximately 27%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, approximately 18% of men breached orders
while
Linking Words
 theft and assaults were 17% each.
Additionally
Linking Words
, 19% of
arrestations
Correct your spelling
arrests were
show examples
 recorded for other
reasons
Use synonyms
 and 5% had no answer. With regards to
women
Use synonyms
, 9% of females were arrested in
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
five years of which 37% of cases were public drinking.
Women
Use synonyms
 were
inprisoned
Correct your spelling
imprisoned
 for
assuats
Correct your spelling
assaults
assets
 and other
reasons
Use synonyms
 were 19% and 18% respectively.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
drinking
Replace the word
drunk
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 driving
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 14% and
women
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 who breached orders were about 12%. When it comes to theft,
women
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 were arrested for that reason
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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approximately 13%.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 who were arrested had no
reasons
Use synonyms
 which accounted
7
Change preposition
for 7
show examples
%
Submitted by Praslah on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words males, reasons, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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