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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people believe that living in the 21st century is highly stressful due to work-life challenges, health issues, and the difficulties of maintaining personal relationships. Others argue that modern life has become much easier and more comfortable.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In contemporary society, an increased amount of stress and depression is notable
due to
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 modern lifestyles and technological advancements. It is argued that living in the 21st century is inherently stressful
due to
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 work-life challenges, health issues, and the difficulties of maintaining relationships. I partially disagree with
this
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 statement because
this
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 century has
also
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 facilitated massive technological advancements, better transport for commuting, and quicker, easier communication for everyone. On the one hand, many people struggle to cope with professional and personal demands
while
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 trying to maintain a high standard of living. To build better financial stability, individuals frequently work overtime.
Additionally
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,
due to
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 inflation and the overuse of digital devices, people often fail to meet their personal needs or value close relationships.
For instance
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, a survey conducted in India reveals that almost 50
percent
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per cent
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 of parents undergo stress-related problems and cannot spend quality time with their children.
Consequently
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, the modern era can have detrimental effects on human life, leading to issues like depression and poor parental guidance.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 era has significantly improved global development and the
overall
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 quality of human life. Mobile phones have made communication flexible by instantly connecting people across the globe. Even individuals from rural areas can now study and improve their knowledge using digital devices.
Furthermore
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, career choices have diversified
due to
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 a wider availability of industries. Artificial Intelligence (AI) is now
utilized
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utilised
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 across sectors like technology, business, education, and marketing.
For instance
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, the integration of AI in Information Technology has boosted the productivity and economy of multinational companies
such
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 as Microsoft and Google. In conclusion,
although
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 changes in modern society bring negative impacts, it is undeniable that
this
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 era has made our lives easier, more flexible, and has significantly improved the global economy.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. You say you partially disagree, but later your ending sounds more like you agree that modern life is easier. Keep one clear line all through the essay.
task response
Answer 'to what extent' more directly. Show clearly how much you agree or disagree in each body part and in the ending.
task response
Your ideas are relevant, but some points need deeper support. For example, explain more how health issues connect to modern life, not only work and family.
task response
Your examples are useful, but they feel general. Add one more short and clear example to make your points stronger.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear paragraph plan: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your ideas easily.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some links are good, like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand', but add a few more simple links between ideas inside paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences move too fast from one idea to another. Try to explain one point fully before you move to the next point.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion is present and clear, but it should match your main opinion more exactly.
task response
You answer both sides of the question, so the essay feels balanced.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to understand and mostly stay on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well organized into clear paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present, which gives the essay a complete shape.
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