IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countires, there are an increasing number of private cars. What are the advantages and disadvtanges of this trend?

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It is evident that in numerous countries, the
number
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 of private
cars
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 is on the rise. Individuals having their own
cars
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 can gain benefits from them.
However
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, as everything comes at a price, there are
also
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 negative effects caused by private
cars
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. In
this
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 essay, I will explain the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 phenomenon. The advantage of private
cars
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 is that they make one's life easier as they provide flexibility and safer mobility. These
cars
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 allow the owners to travel wherever and whenever they want.
For example
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, workers can go to work in their own
cars
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 without having to queue at a station or wait for a bus. Other than that,
cars
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 help families to safely go to places, especially for those who have toddlers.
This
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 safety
also
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 applies to students who are usually picked up by their own parents by car, which would be less safe if they go by public
transportation
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. Despite these advantages, private
cars
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 account for air pollution and road congestion. Evidently,
this
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 environmental issue is mainly caused by the smoke produced by
transportation
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 machinery.
In addition
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 to that, the rising
number
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 of private
cars
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 deteriorates the presence of
transportation
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 on the street.
This
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 problem not only bolsters air pollution but
also
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 causes traffic jams. In Jakarta,
for instance
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,
this
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 city has both air pollution and severe congestion problems, which are caused by a huge
number
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 of private
cars
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.
To sum up
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, there are benefits and drawbacks of private
cars
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.
However
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, I opine that since the
number
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 is increasing, there are measures that should be taken to combat its drawbacks.
First,
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people should be urged to make use of public
transportation
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.
Furthermore
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, the government should make policies in order to minimise traffic jams caused by
cars
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.

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Introduction/Conclusion
A clear introduction and conclusion are effectively used, but the essay could benefit from a more developed thesis statement that outlines the specific advantages and disadvantages to be discussed.
Logical Structure
The logical structure of the essay is commendable, yet transitions between points can be smoother. Using a wider variety of linking words would improve flow.
Supported Main Points
Main points are supported, though some could be expanded with more specific details and examples to enhance the argument and clarity.
Complete Response
Address the task well with a generally complete response, but strive to offer a more balanced discussion of advantages and disadvantages.
Clear and Comprehensive Ideas
Ideas presented are relevant but can be articulated more comprehensively with additional explanation or examples.
Relevant and Specific Examples
Include more specific examples to strengthen the essay's arguments and make the advantages and disadvantages more concrete.
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