IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The number of cars has increased significantly in major cities. What problems does this cause and what are some solutions to these problems?

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In the modern era, most cities have traffic jams because risen dramatically the amount of cars. The cause of
this
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 issue and the possible solution to tackle
this
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 issue will be discussed in
this
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 essay.
One
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 of the first causes is private vehicles are more effective
due to
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 less
time
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 to go to different places in
one
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 day.
For instance
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, my sister goes to East Jakarta from Bogor in only 30 minutes by car, but if she uses public
transportation
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such
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 as a bus or train, it will take
time
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 over
one
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 hour.
Moreover
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, we have to change bus or train during the trip because there are no direct to the destination. Another cause is many people prefer to choose a car because
time
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 is valuable.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 situation can cause serious problems.
One
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 of the first problems is the traffic jams will increase significantly.
For example
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, everyone in the city left at the same
time
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 making the streets more crowded. Another problem that needs to be considered is the amount of air pollution will have risen dramatically.
For instance
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, many cities have bad air conditions caused by the large number of citizens choosing private transport.
According to
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this
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 situation, a possible solution to
this
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 problem would be
the
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for the
show examples
 government can make a convenient public transport.
For instance
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, public
transportation
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 routes that are easy to reach by people and disability friendly. Another solution is the authority can
also
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 make the public vehicles free for all of the citizens.
This
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 policy will increase the number of public
transportation
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 users. In conclusion, the problem of
this
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 case is private vehicles are more effective and convenient. So, the government should make proper public
transportation
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 with free service and easy to reach.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Aim to have a clear introduction that paraphrases the question and outlines what will be discussed. The introduction should also flow into the body of the essay without abruptness.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on having a more distinct paragraph structure, with a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each body paragraph, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence.
Coherence & Cohesion
End the essay with a stronger and more summarizing conclusion. Restate the main problems and solutions discussed while also ensuring that it does not introduce new ideas.
Task Achievement
Expand on the given examples by providing more details or statistics to elaborate on how these prove your point. This will help in the clear conveyance of ideas and provide a more substantial argument.
Task Achievement
Improve the range of vocabulary and aim for fewer grammatical mistakes to enable clearer expression of ideas. Consider practicing complex sentence structures and appropriate word choice.
Task Achievement
Make sure all parts of the task have been addressed. Each main idea should be explained and exemplified consistently where possible, and linked back to the original question.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Traffic congestion
  • Commute
  • Air pollution
  • Environmental degradation
  • Health issues
  • Road accidents
  • Vehicle density
  • Urban sprawl
  • Green spaces
  • Noise pollution
  • Public transportation
  • Non-motorized transport
  • Congestion charges
  • Traffic management
  • Carpooling
  • Electric/hybrid vehicles
  • Urban planning
  • Emissions
  • Cyclist lanes
  • Pedestrian zones
  • Infrastructure
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