In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays
people
are likely to live longer in different countries. It is believed by a group of people
that these aged people
cause drawbacks for the government
while
another group marks senior citizens as beneficial. Though over elderly population might be problematic, It is mostly beneficial in different ways.
On the one hand, the rate for
increasing number of senior citizens refers to the developed health system of a country. It Change preposition
of
also
emphasizes the lower death rate of children and mothers. Next,
increasing
number of aged Add an article
an increasing
people
can be used in different positive ways. The age limit for retirement should be increased, so that the government
will get more expart
workers or Correct your spelling
expert
supports
in various sectors. The expense to arrange recruitment exams and Fix the agreement mistake
support
huge
amount spent to train new workers will be declined sharply. Correct article usage
the huge
Correct article usage
The Goverment
Goverment
will never face the lack of skilled workers Correct your spelling
Government
while
public services will be Correct word choice
and
more smooth
.
Correct word choice
smoother
On the other hand
, aged people
are more responsible and obidient
as their lives have been shaped in a selected way. Whether they are assigned by the Correct your spelling
obedient
government
to do different social works, they will do it. Here, comperatively
stronger old Correct your spelling
comparatively
people
could help other aged people
and their mental bonding will run this
facility forever. Normally, a young boy who is not trained will be failed
to entertain an old man for the age gap. Wrong verb form
fail
As a result
, the
social harmony will be increased and the expense of social Correct article usage
apply
works
will be decreased which can Fix the agreement mistake
work
be use
by the Change the verb form
be used
government
to improve services including those elderly people
.
In conclusion, having an elderly population might be thought as
disastrous but it is a fortune for a nation. They could be assets for governments whether their skills and time Change preposition
of as
used
in a proper direction and way.Add a missing verb
are used
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coherence cohesion
Ensure clear paragraphing, each paragraph should center around a single main theme or idea. Transitions could be improved to aid the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Use a greater variety of linking phrases to better connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
task achievement
Develop the main points further with more detailed and relevant examples to support the arguments you present.
task achievement
Check for ambiguities or vague statements and ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to the central topic.
task achievement
Make sure that the conclusion effectively summarizes the points made and relates back to the question, weighing the advantages and disadvantages.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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