IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

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Introduction
Between the end of high school
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the start of university, taking a year off became more and more popular.
This
Linking Words
 essay will demonstrate how
this
Linking Words
 break permit for students to fully commit to their hobbies
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 will
also
Linking Words
 show that students will lose knowledge and their routine at school.
Body paragraph 1
A friend of mine
give
Wrong verb form
gave
show examples
 us a
grate
Use the right word
great
show examples
 example of doing a hobby for a
Use synonyms
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 friend is doing
dj
Capitalize the proper name
DJ
show examples
 in his free time, but he
also
Linking Words
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to take a year break, focusing on
djing
Capitalize the proper name
DJing
show examples
. It is possible that
this
Linking Words
 experience will change
is
Correct determiner usage
his
show examples
 choice of university to live from his hobby. In general, taking a
Use synonyms
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
 off can create new passion or empower
other
Replace the word
others
.
Body paragraph 2
For my brother,
this
Linking Words
 break between school and university is not always
funny
Correct word choice
fun
show examples
 because he
lose
Correct subject-verb agreement
loses
show examples
 a lot of knowledge. He was studying physics
who
Punctuation problem
, who
show examples
 ask for a lot of understanding. But during
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
years
Use synonyms
, my brother just
lose
Wrong verb form
lost
show examples
 a lot of what he knows about physics. It
result
Wrong verb form
resulted
show examples
 in spending much of his time, during the first undergraduate
years
Use synonyms
, learning what he had
learn
Wrong verb form
learned
show examples
 one
Use synonyms
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
 ago.
This
Linking Words
 experience
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 taking a year off ask fro a maturity
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 students to work
while
Linking Words
 enjoying life during the break.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 taking a pause
ask for
Verb problem
requires
show examples
 a great responsibility from student to maintain
they
Correct determiner usage
their
show examples
 level,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it permit for them to commit entirely to what they like or do in their free time.

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task response
Develop each main point more fully. For the hobby point, explain how a year off can help a student learn new skills, test a job idea, or choose a better university subject.
task response
Make the bad point wider. Loss of knowledge is useful, but you could also write about being late to start work, money problems, or finding it hard to return to study.
task response
Keep examples clear and correct. Say what happened, why it happened, and how it shows the main point. For example, explain how your brother’s loss of physics knowledge made his first year harder.
task response
State your main view more clearly in the ending. Say that a year off can be good if students have a plan and keep some study habits.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each main paragraph. For example: “One main advantage is that students can explore their interests.” Then give the example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple, clear phrases: “For example”, “As a result”, “However”, and “This means that”. This will make the links between sentences easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid changing from a general idea to a personal example too fast. First explain the general point, then give your friend or brother as an example.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of word form and grammar problems. Write shorter sentences and check key forms, such as “a friend of mine gave”, “one year”, “loses”, and “students’ level”.
task response
You answer both parts of the task. You explain one good point, time for hobbies, and one bad point, loss of school knowledge.
task response
Your examples about DJ work and physics make your ideas clear and real.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main paragraphs, and an ending. The reader can follow the main order of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “but”, “because”, “although”, and “in conclusion” to show links between ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gap year
  • work experience
  • internships
  • traveling
  • life experiences
  • personal development
  • independent
  • self-reliant
  • educational progress
  • graduation timeline
  • financial burden
  • academic momentum
  • structured academic environment
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