Some people think that development of technology helps to reduce crime, whike others think that it encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Technology
has numerous effects on individuals from the fluctuation of people
's mental healths
to the Fix the agreement mistake
health
rate
of crime
in society. While
some people
believe that advancements of
Change preposition
in
technology
mitigate crime
, the
others hold the opposite idea. Correct article usage
apply
This
essay will explain the
both perspectivesRemove the article
apply
,
and advocate the latter notion.
Remove the comma
apply
People
, who believe that advanced technology
may alleviate the crime
rate
highlight
that technological devices are able to make monitoring Change the verb form
highlights
people
easier. To illustrate, some gadgets like video camera
, or mobile phones Fix the agreement mistake
cameras
are
made tracking individuals easier compared to previous Verb problem
have
time
. Fix the agreement mistake
times
For instance
, there are about a thousand electronic cameras on roads in Istanbul, hence
police can detect suspicious men or women while
watching Add an article
the recording
a recording
recording
, rather than tracking Fix the agreement mistake
recordings
in
the street. Correct pronoun usage
them in
Moreover
, by
the help of new brand Change preposition
with
analyze
applications, computers are able to determine a person approximately 2 kilometres away. Those crowd, who advocate Replace the word
analysis
technology
is likely to reduce the crime
rate
, believe that as these tools tend to help the police, they may seem as
a Change preposition
like
threaten
factor to criminals. Replace the word
threat
Hence
, criminals may prefer to stop to commit a crime
.
On the other hand
, there is a dramatic incline in the number of cybercrime across the world, since the invention of mobile phones. Owing to the fact that mobile phones support the use of bank accounts related
apps, many adults, especially senior citizens, are put at Correct your spelling
account-related
an
disadvantage. Change the article
a
As a consequence
of their lack of knowledge about these applications, they are likely to share crucial information about their bank accounts with scammers. As a result
, they are being hacked by scammers. For instance
, nearly 2000 people
, whose ages are between 60 and 80 are asking for help from police departments monthy
in Turkey, in order to take their Correct your spelling
monthly
saving
.
Fix the agreement mistake
savings
Finally
, I believe that advancements in technology
increasing the crime
rate
. Since technological devices,
and apps related to these tools are completely unfamiliar Remove the comma
apply
with
many Change preposition
to
people
, they can be hacked by frauds
in two secondsFix the agreement mistake
fraud
,
and may lose their whole savings. Remove the comma
apply
Therefore
, until use
of these gadgets Add an article
the use
will be
confined by laws, the number of Wrong verb form
is
people
, who are allowed to use these tools and apps should be limited by authorities.
To conclude
, while
some believe that technology
has decreased the
Correct article usage
apply
crime
by
the help of new brand monitoring cameras, Change preposition
with
the
others hold the opposite idea. I, personally, support the second groupCorrect article usage
apply
,
and argue that some individuals may be affected adversely Remove the comma
apply
from
the Change preposition
by
technology
due to
their lack of information about these novelties.Submitted by ilaydailday on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay maintains a consistent logical flow. This can be achieved by using clear and repeated linking phrases that guide the reader through the progression of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and conclusion that clearly state the topic and your viewpoint. While you have provided these, make sure that they are concise and directly relevant to the question.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with evidence or examples. You have done this well, but ensure that the support directly relates to the main point it is intended to back up.
task achievement
Fully respond to all parts of the task. The question asks for a discussion of both views as well as your opinion. While you have included these, your discussion could be more balanced and your personal stance more explicit throughout the essay.
task achievement
Express your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Make sure to explain all acronyms or technical terms and keep your sentences straightforward to maximize understanding.
task achievement
Use specific examples to make your ideas clear and persuasive. You have included some examples, but incorporating more varied and detailed examples, especially when conveying your own viewpoint, would strengthen your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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