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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, children show less respect to elders. What are the causes of such behaviour? What can be done to address this situation?

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It is said that
children
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 around the world are showing disrespectful
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
 to older people.
This
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 phenomenon might stem from the habit of using
smartphones
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 during school hours.
However
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, addressing more family
activities
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 can tackle the problem of disrespect. In the first place, it must be considered that
smartphones
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 can have a negative impact on
children
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's attitudes toward
adults
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. Since
smartphones
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 are addictive,
children
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 may prefer spending more
time
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 using them than hanging out with
adults
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.
As a consequence
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, it leads to an extension of the gap between family members, which affects the way
children
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 behave toward
adults
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. Take Gen Alpha as a contextual example.
Due to
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 the development of entertainment technologies,
children
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 spend the majority of their
time
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 surfing the internet so often that they start to show misbehaving actions toward elders. Another cause that must be taken into account is the educational curriculum. It is obvious that
children
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 spend more
time
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 at school than at home, so they are more social with their
friends
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. Over
time
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, they develop their personalities and
behaviors
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behaviours
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 with their
friends
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, thinking that the way they treat their
friends
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 is the same as that of
adults
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. Because of that, the way they act toward
adults
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 might not be appropriate and be considered disrespectful.
For instance
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, Vietnamese parents have to suffer a lot when it comes to their
children
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's
misbehavior
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misbehaviour
show examples
due to
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 learning from
friends
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 at school. Despite the fact that it is a global issue, the problem of
children
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 disrespecting elders can be solved by organizing more family
activities
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. It must be acknowledged that in order to teach
children
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 about their actions, parents can increase the value of family members through family work. By encouraging
children
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 to take part in
activities
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, they will have some
time
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 away from
smartphones
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,
as well as
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 increasing the value of the elders in the
children
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's eyes.
As a result
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, the gap between generations will be significantly smaller, and
children
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 will be more respectful toward older people. In conclusion,
smartphones
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 and study hours are the roots of a lack of respect among
children
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.
Hence
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, organizing more family
activities
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 can enhance family relationships, which is the most effective solution to
this
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 worldwide issue.

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Content & Structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is expanded upon to maintain strong coherence throughout the essay.
Language Use
Try to incorporate more diverse and complex sentence structures to showcase a higher level of language proficiency.
Supporting Examples
Expand on examples to fully illustrate your points, providing specific instances or real-world scenarios that underscore your arguments.
Introduction & Conclusion
You’ve done a commendable job in providing a clear and relevant introduction and conclusion that effectively frame your essay.
Task Response
You effectively addressed the task, providing thorough explanations of causes and viable solutions pertaining to the issue of children's respect towards elders.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay displays a good logical flow and connection between ideas, facilitating a coherent read.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Tradition
  • Cultural dynamics
  • Intergenerational relationships
  • Behavioral norms
  • Social cohesion
  • Technology-induced isolation
  • Role models
  • Etiquette
  • Institutional respect
  • Mutual understanding
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