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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Describe some of the problems overreliance on cars can cause and suggest a possible solution.

#overreliance #cars
In the modern
world
, humanity's reliance on motorized vehicles has reached
a levels
Correct the article-noun agreement
levels
a level
show examples
 never seen before in history. With the rise of the developing
world
, these numbers are only going to continue to swell. It is felt that pollution and the draining of
world
 resources are the most serious problems caused by
this
 trend. Carpooling will be argued
a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
feasible response to these challenges.
Firstly
, pollution and the reduction of natural resources are major problems caused by human overreliance on cars.
For example
, the
world
's collective car exhaust has now dissolved the ozone and raised the temperatures so much that certain island nations like
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Kiribati may cease to exist.
In addition
 to
this
, a statistic was recently released stating that there simply is not enough steel in the
world
 to build cars for all of China and India's adults. As these examples show, if humanity's consumption of cars is not curbed, it will have extreme repercussions on both pollution and natural resource levels.
Hence
, something must be done to stop
this
 development. A suggested solution to the above is carpooling. In many Western countries,
for instance
, reserved lanes make the practice of carpooling attractive, and
this
 has had
a substantial effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
a substantial effect
substantial effects
show examples
 on the levels of exhaust pumped into the atmosphere
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. Thanks to carpooling, it is estimated that car fumes are almost 10% lower today than five years ago in countries like the UK and Canada. In view of
this
 example, carpooling could be a plausible solution to humanity's overdependence on motorized vehicles. Given the aforementioned challenges and potential solutions to
this
 topic,
it is clear that
 something has to be done in order to reduce the worst reliance on motor vehicles. It is
thus
 hoped carpooling lanes
are
Wrong verb form
will be
show examples
 introduced in all big cities the
world
 over.
Submitted by minhhoangduc34 on

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introduction
Ensure that your introduction directly addresses the question, setting out the main issues you will discuss. Your introduction is sufficient, but it could more sharply define the problems and potential solutions.
supported main points
Work on developing your main points with more specific examples and data to support them. While your essay references general facts and figures, precise statistics or case studies would greatly enhance its impact.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay, which is good. However, you could further strengthen it by linking back to the wider implications of the problem and the suggested solution, tying in your argument cohesively.
logical structure
Your essay is generally logically structured and coherent. To enhance this, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more fluidly.
complete response
Your response to the task is complete, but expanding on the problems and solutions with additional depth and analysis would boost the effectiveness of your response.
clear comprehensive ideas
Aim to express your ideas more comprehensively by delving into each point with greater detail and exploring the complexities involved.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support each claim you make. These can involve real-world data, case studies, or even hypothetical scenarios that clearly illustrate the points you are trying to convey.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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