IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people believe that to protect local culture, tourism should be banned in some areas whereas others think that change is inevitable, and banning tourism will have no benefits. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #culture #tourism #areas #change
While
 some argue that governments should prohibit
tourists
 from entering certain places to preserve regional traditions, others believe that
change
 is unavoidable, and it is useless to forbid
tourism
. I am convinced that
although
 banning
tourists
 in some areas may limitedly protect some native cultures in the short term, the
change
 is a must, and forbidding
tourism
 may have no result because of the impact of the internet.  On the one hand, it is believed that banning
tourism
 in some regions might save local customs. It is undeniable that receiving a large number of
tourists
 will have certain negative effects on cultural heritage. Visitors may influence the local youth in some aspects
such
 as lifestyle, fashion, and language.
This
 may lead to a huge and harmful
change
 in the daily life of a country.
For instance
, several remote provinces in Vietnam have experienced big changes after opening doors to
tourists
. A lot of local young people follow new fashionable trends, get tattoos, or ask their parents to sell their homeland to buy modern motorbikes or cars. Some even quit their current jobs in craft villages and move to big cities with a dream of a more prosperous life. I disagree with
this
 point because local traditions might be affected by other sources in the long term, and banning
tourism
 may keep local businesses in underdevelopment,
thus
, many local people will be unemployed. 
On the other hand
, the
change
 is unavoidable, and prohibiting
tourists
 is a nonsense reaction.
Traveling
Change the spelling
Travelling
show examples
 is a real demand, and it not only helps to develop local companies and creates jobs, but
also
 has a big contribution to the government budget. So, it is very difficult for the authorities to ban the
tourism
.
Moreover
, with the rapid development of the internet, people all over the world can easily be influenced by strange cultures.
Therefore
, forbidding
tourists
 might not help. In conclusion, despite banning
tourism
 may be effective in the short term, I believe that the
change
 is inevitable and closing the door to
tourism
 might be useless because the internet is so easy to access.
Submitted by hoangdaosales on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a good balance of both perspectives on the issue, but it would benefit from a more thorough exploration of each view. For example, consider providing additional arguments or evidence for why change is inevitable.
coherence cohesion
To further improve coherence, use a variety of linking words and phrases. This will help to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph centers around a clear central idea. While your examples are relevant, they can sometimes overshadow the main argument of the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
You have addressed both perspectives on the issue, which shows a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay includes specific examples to support your points, which makes your argument more convincing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • influx of tourists
  • dilute local customs
  • commercialization
  • loss of native languages
  • economic benefits
  • revenue source
  • responsible tourism
  • cultural sensitivity
  • regulated tourist limits
  • cultural heritage
  • globalization
  • case study
  • ‘High Value, Low Impact’ tourism
  • controlled tourism
  • middle-ground solution
  • infrastructure development
  • significant revenue source
  • employment generation
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