In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?
With well-developed technologies in the 21 century, it is not a dream anymore
releasing
Change the verb form
to release
driveless
vehicles at hand. Correct your spelling
driverless
Although
there would be massive advantages of
introducing the driver-free system by allowing Change preposition
to
people
to have more spare time
for themsevles
Correct your spelling
themselves
while
commuting by their own vehicles, I believe that there would be more demerits of
Change preposition
apply
it
with compelling reasons.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
To begin
with, a positive perspective of this
can be seen that people
will be allowed to have more
enjoyable Add an article
a more
time
while
driving to go to work or their destinations for reading books, watching videos, studying, or even sleeping. As drivers should focus on driving to minimise possible risks on the road while
driving, individuals might not to
have Change the verb form
apply
such
extra time
for themselves. However
, when this
technology is fully developed, people
will be able to spend their time
to fill
their needs resting in their own car on their way to places they need to go Change the verb form
filling
with
feeling comfortable. Change preposition
while
Therefore
, this
can be one of advancements
of the new skill.
Add an article
the advancements
Nonetheless
, there are also
significant points that should not be marginalised as backwards. This
comes from the fact that technology cannot be completely perfect. When it comes to the
Correct article usage
apply
driveless
cars, members of Correct your spelling
driverless
a
society Correct article usage
apply
would be
Wrong verb form
are
depended
on Replace the word
dependent
the
vehicles. To be more specific, if its system Correct article usage
apply
is malfunctioned
, there are great risks Change to the active voice
malfunctions
has malfunctioned
for
Change preposition
to
people
's lives
as accidents of
cars Change preposition
apply
are
usually Unnecessary verb
apply
leaded
to Correct your spelling
led
the
fetal dangers Correct article usage
apply
such
as severe injuries to losing their lives
. Based on this
viewpoint, its possible dangers should be always considered as a
issue which can Change the article
an
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
occured
by Correct your spelling
occur
the
technology.
Correct article usage
apply
To sum up
, although
the undeniable positive aspect of the new skills such
as allowing the drivers' quality of lives
is anticipated, I reckon that the imperative demerit which can occur extreme risks in Fix the agreement mistake
life
people
's lives
might outweight
the Correct your spelling
outweigh
the
previous possible positive outcome.Remove the redundancy
apply
Submitted by yeseulyou92 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to provide a clear introduction that outlines your position and previews the main points you will discuss in the body paragraphs. This helps to establish a logical structure and guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices appropriately to link your ideas and paragraphs together. This includes conjunctions, transitional phrases, and referencing words. Overuse or misuse can disrupt the flow, so use them accurately.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting sentences are directly relevant to that idea. Avoid digressing into topics that don't support the main point of each paragraph.
task achievement
In responding to the task, make sure you address all parts of the prompt fully. Discuss both sides of the argument if the question requires it, and provide a clear personal position.
task achievement
Make your ideas comprehensive by fully explaining them and their relevance to the topic. You can do this by expanding on the concepts with explanations or by providing hypothetical scenarios if real-world examples are not applicable.
task achievement
Include relevant, specific examples that strengthen your argument. These can be drawn from a variety of sources such as personal experience, historical events, or reputable research. Remember that examples should be directly related to the point you're making in the paragraph.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example