IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people don't like leave in the small city because they can't develop there a skill in there. How far do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #city #skill
Some
people
 believe that living in a small
city
 is not a good notion
due to
 the fact that they can not enhance their skills and abilities. I generally agree with
this
 idea because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 you have several departments
such
 as schools to learn what you want. I am going to explain more about my thoughts in
this
 essay. First of all, if you live in a metropolitan area you have numerous options for education.
Moreover
, in big cities because of the large proportion of
people
 lots of schools and academies are available for residents.
For instance
, if you want to increase your knowledge about science, you can attend
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some courses that universities determine it. So, young
people
 prefer to live in a big
city
 rather than a small
city
.
In addition
, some
people
 can find occupation in urban
areas
 easier and faster than the rural
areas
.
Furthermore
, a person who wants to work has various opportunities to find jobs in a large
city
 in view of the fact that there are lots of requests for any positions.
For example
, a variety of supermarkets exist in these cities and they want a lot of employers and workers.
Consequently
,
people
 can find jobs easily in huge
areas
.
On the other hand
, if you stay in a small region you do not have any competition in your position. Plus, just you have a market that sells mechanical equipment in your town
as a result
 you always have your customers.
However
, In my opinion, you can have your customers in urban
areas
as well as
 small
areas
 if you do your tasks well. In conclusion, from my point of view staying in a big town has more merits than staying
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 small town. you can find a job faster and easily,
also
 several facilities are available for you to improve your ability in large cities.
Submitted by bazarjanimohammadreza83 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure to include a clear topic sentence for each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on diversifying your sentence structures for greater clarity and impact.
coherence cohesion
Include more cohesive devices to better connect ideas and paragraphs, such as transition words and phrases.
task achievement
Be sure that all parts of the task are addressed and maintain a consistent viewpoint throughout the essay to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Develop your main points further with a wider range of examples and more detailed explanations to enhance the comprehensiveness of your ideas.
task achievement
Enhance your essay by adding relevant examples to support your points, as they help to illustrate and strengthen your arguments effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: