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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The internert has changed the way we interact with each other now compared to in the past. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#internert
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Dissemination of
information
 is a
life long
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life-long
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occurence
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occurrence
 in
development
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the development
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 of the global village,
however
, the advent of
internet
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the internet
show examples
 improved interaction among the populace in
the
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apply
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recent
time
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times
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. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both the benefits and
also
 the drawbacks. The internet has various
merit
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merits
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 to the world at large, the primary and most important benefit is the easy transfer of
information
 in
the
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apply
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society.
Few
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A few
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 decades ago, letters
are been
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were
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 sent to another organization by the post office,
this
 piece of
information
take
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took
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 quite a number of weeks before it
arrive
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arrived
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 at its destination because it
will
Verb problem
could
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 be transported physically but nowadays online message platforms like
eletronic
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electronic
mails
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mail
show examples
, phone calls and many other means delivers the
information
 almost instantly.
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The Watsapp
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Watsapp
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WhatsApp
 application is a good example of a quick and
made
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apply
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easy medium to transfer
message
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messages
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 with
hyperspace
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a hyperspace
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 connection.
Secondly
, people can gather together without
neccessarily
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necessarily
 seating in boardrooms. Online
meeting
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meetings
show examples
 are now possible
as a result
 of the online network. Zoom is another example. Despite the gains, there are so many demerits to the
information
 superhighway.
Firstly
, the
high
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a high
show examples
possibilities
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possibility
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 of hacking by internet robbers. Fraudsters have
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devised
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device
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devised
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 various means of hacking into people's personal online transactions to defraud them of their
hard earn
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hard-earned
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 money, financial institutions are plunging into various
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degrees
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degree
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degrees
show examples
 of issues and many of them are running into
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bankruptcy
bankcrupty
Correct your spelling
bankruptcy
 which has led to
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the folding
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folding
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the folding
show examples
 up of
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businesses
show examples
business
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businesses
show examples
. Another drawback is the invasion of viruses to online documents, many vital
Correct quantifier usage
pieces of informations
show examples
informations
Correct your spelling
information
 in the form of soft copies can be corrupted by these network germs which render important
information
 useless if they are not
backedup
Correct your spelling
backed up
backed-up
 or synchronised. In conclusion,
information
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the information
show examples
 highway transformed communications in the world of today.
Although
 there
are
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is
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 good and bad side to
this
,
however
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however,
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 the profits far outweigh the downsides.
Submitted by tunjosh2 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly from one point to the next. Use more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas logically.
task achievement
Try to present your arguments and examples more comprehensively. The essay could benefit from more depth and specificity in some areas, particularly when discussing the advantages and disadvantages.
language
Review grammar and spelling, as there are several errors that detract from the overall quality of your writing. For instance, 'neccessarily' should be 'necessarily' and 'bankcrupty' should be 'bankruptcy.'
task achievement
You've clearly addressed the prompt, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the internet's impact on interaction.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured and provide a clear framework for your essay.
task achievement
The examples you provided, such as WhatsApp and Zoom, are relevant and help to illustrate your points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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