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Band 2.5

Online shopping has various advantages for consumers but may also have disadvantages, such as the loss of individual privacy. Do the advantages of online shopping for consumers outweigh the disadvantages?

#consumers #loss #privacy
Online shopping has
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 a crucial matter in
this
 developing era.
While
 most
people
think
Verb problem
apply
show examples
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that online shopping has many benefits for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumers
itself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, another side of the coin reveals that online shopping
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 many negative sides.
This
 essay will discuss the reasons more. By the use of online shopping,
people
 could get a certain amount
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 benefits
due to
 some extent. First and foremost, online shopping gives shopping
accessibillity
Correct your spelling
accessibility
 for
people
 living in sub
urbans
Correct your spelling
urban
 or urban. A clear example of
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 is that online shopping
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 reachable and
ionly
Correct your spelling
only
 needs
internet
Add an article
an internet
show examples
 connection to access it.
Second,
online shopping allows everyone to trade,
whereas
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 there are massive amounts of
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 to be sold.
Hence
,
people
 could easily receive many products they may not get at offline stores.
Although
, as much as online shopping
propose
Correct subject-verb agreement
proposes
show examples
 many positive impacts for customers, it may
also
 be a
double edged
Add a hyphen
double-edged
show examples
 sword.
While
 one of
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 advantages is accessibility itself,
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
unrestricted accessibility tends to raise the risk of data privacy loss. As an example,
data
Add an article
a data
the data
show examples
 breach is a major case that happened worldwide,
consequently
 giving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumers negative risks. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the fact that online shopping has its own disadvantages,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the opinion that those advantages
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not surpass the disadvantages of online shopping because it gives equality by accessibility.
Submitted by narawriteshare9 on

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Introduction/Conclusion
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your opinion, using proper grammar and spelling. Begin a clear argument in the first paragraph that is maintained throughout the essay so that it aligns with your conclusion.
Examples/Development
Develop your main points with specific examples and explanations. Make sure these examples are relevant and illustrate your argument effectively.
Logical Structure
Work on the logical flow of your ideas. Use appropriate transitional phrases to link your ideas and paragraphs smoothly to create a coherent argument.
Grammar/Sentence Structure
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structures for better clarity and cohesion. Pay attention to verb tenses, noun-verb agreement, and word choice.
Task Response
Expand your response to ensure a full discussion of the topic, cover all aspects of the task, and clearly express your view on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Provide a balanced discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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