Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to apply stronger punishments. Others think that it would be harmful and there are much more efficient ways to do that. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
There have been competing views on whether harsher sentences should be applied to lower criminal
rate
. In my opinion, Fix the agreement mistake
rates
Correct article usage
the goverment
goverment
should prefer rehabilitation programs to Correct your spelling
government
Use synonyms
adress
Correct your spelling
address
root
Use synonyms
causes
in reducing criminal activities.
Applying stronger punishment to reduce Use synonyms
crime
can Use synonyms
give
Verb problem
have
deterrent
effect. Correct article usage
a deterrent
In other words
, if Linking Words
Correct article usage
the goverment
goverment
can provide harsher sentences for criminals, it may discourage criminal behaviour for other people. Without Correct your spelling
government
this
policy, people will easily commence Linking Words
crime
for their own benefit as they think. Use synonyms
However
, I do not think that the policy in question is an ideal way for Linking Words
crime
deterrence because Use synonyms
recent
study shows increasing Add an article
a recent
severity
of Correct article usage
the severity
punisment
does not correlate with decreased Correct your spelling
punishment
crime
rates as it does not Use synonyms
Use synonyms
adress
Correct your spelling
address
Use synonyms
root
Correct article usage
the root
causes
of Use synonyms
crime
, and Use synonyms
instead
of leading to overcrowded prisons.
Those on the other side of the argument say that rehabilitation programs for Linking Words
prisoners
which focus on skill development and educational opportunities are more efficient policy in decreasing Use synonyms
crime
rates because Use synonyms
it
can resolve their Correct pronoun usage
they
root
Use synonyms
causes
. There is a fact that money is one of the most Use synonyms
Use synonyms
causes
Correct word choice
common causes
for
criminal activities, particularly for jobless people with debt to pay, and these programs will equip them with Change preposition
of
Add an article
the skill
skill
to match job Fix the agreement mistake
skills
opportunity
in the marketFix the agreement mistake
opportunities
,
and Remove the comma
apply
Use synonyms
adress
the Correct your spelling
address
root
problem. Consider Use synonyms
Chen
Zuckerberg Correct article usage
the Chen
foundation
in the United States Capitalize word
Foundation
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
educate
Correct subject-verb agreement
educates
prisoners
Use synonyms
to
learn how to code, and has successfully decreased Fix the infinitive
apply
recidivism
rate in the country. I agree with Correct article usage
the recidivism
this
argument because educated Linking Words
prisoners
will be easily accepted by society and more likely Use synonyms
do
not commit any more crimes in the future.
In conclusion, Unnecessary verb
apply
while
applying stronger punishment can Linking Words
deterrence
criminal motives, I believe it is best to grant Replace the word
deter
prisoners
with skill training because it is more likely to Use synonyms
Use synonyms
adress
the Correct your spelling
address
root
cause when they meet job Use synonyms
opportunity
and reintegrate with society.Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the introduction could benefit from a more concise thesis statement that directly addresses the question.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure to use a variety of linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your ideas and ensure paragraphs flow smoothly from one to the other.
task achievement
Try to develop ideas more fully, ensuring that each main point is elaborated on with sufficient detail and explanation.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance cohesion, use topic sentences effectively to preview the content of each paragraph, and ensure that each sentence logically follows from the one before.
coherence and cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of sentence structures to demonstrate language flexibility and precision. Avoid overly long sentences which can be confusing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.