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Band 6

Some people believe holding sports events are too expensive, such as olympic games,and the world cup. But others think in opponent way. Discuss both opinion, and give your own view.

#people #sports #events #olympic #games #world #cup #opponent
Most
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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events
 require an enormous amount of financial support from
governments
, especially regarding well-known international games. In my view, it is extravagant, costing a massive amount of money to host them. Some people are strong advocates of reducing spending on
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
events
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since
governments
 would
consequently
 be at risk of fiscal deficit, resulting in the instability of society.
Governments
 are compelled to fulfil many duties with a limited budget; in order to service the public more efficiently, they are obligated to control the spending.
Otherwise
, once
the
Correct article usage
apply
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government spending overtakes its solvency,
governments
 are likely to be dysfunctional, followed by social chaos. Rather than investing huge amounts of money into sporting competitions, it might be more rational to improve the quality of the society's infrastructure, developing robust medical care systems and ensuring more vulnerable groups receive adequate welfare from the government.
This
 will help maintain the smooth operation of society.
However
, opponents, argue that hosting massive
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
events
 is advantageous
due to
 the way it improves people’s sense of happiness. Many
sports
events
 are milestones of human civilisation, illustrating people’s aspirations of liberty, strength and fairness. Considering motivation is intrinsic to humanity, continuing the legacy of these traditional activities is crucial in creating social harmony.
For example
, Olympic games are not only entertaining but they
also
 inspire people to be more resilient and competent. From my perspective, hosting massive
sports
events
 would not bring economic loss, paradoxically, it would result in ideal benefits, both financially and politically. Undoubtedly, organising
sports
events
 demands initial investments for the cost of construction and labour,
however
, it results in strong asset returns in numerous ways,
such
 as advertising income, and profit made from ticket and souvenir sales.
Moreover
, hosting
sports
events
 has a significant international impact, enabling organisers to seize more political resources,
enhancing
Correct word choice
and enhancing
show examples
 the country's leadership and reputation globally.
Submitted by Timothy on

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task achievement
While your essay is well-organized and provides balanced viewpoints, ensure your introduction clearly introduces both perspectives before stating your own view. This will enhance clarity and engagement from the outset.
task achievement
Try to integrate more specific examples to support your points. For instance, referencing specific Olympic Games or World Cup events and their financial impacts can significantly strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Include a clearer conclusion that succinctly summarizes both sides of the argument and reinforces your own viewpoint. This reinforces your analysis and provides closure.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is structured coherently, with clear paragraphs dedicated to each viewpoint and your own perspective.
coherence cohesion
You provide balanced arguments and consider multiple dimensions of the issue, which enhances the depth of your analysis.
task achievement
The examples you provided, though general, effectively illustrate your points. Developing these further will make your essay even more compelling.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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