IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people think that countries should import less food and produce more for their population. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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One of the most prevalent trends in the contemporary world is the cumulative increase of food imports from different nations. The argument is whether we should produce in-house or buy from other nations. I fully agree, with the given statement, that we must produce in our own state to save money and provide more jobs.
Firstly
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, daily consuming products should be produced in our kingdom, to save money and time. If we produce in-house, we can supply quickly eating things in all cities, so that we can get fresh and low prices. We will save cash on top of that
instead
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 of paying customs duty and import expenses. If we import, we have to place orders in advance with a huge quantity. Even sometimes we need small quantities,
due to
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 restrictions and quantity limits by the suppliers we have to buy in bulk.
For example
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,
Due to
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 COVID-19 exports and imports were stopped and it became a big crisis of foodstuffs all over the world that were not producing in their motherlands.
Secondly
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, it saves funds and gives more job opportunities to the local community. Some motherlands produce locally and give jobs to their local population . So, they can feed their families and pay taxes to the Government. Coins stay in the homeland, there is no extra burden on the province’s economy.
For instance
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, India produces mostly all types of meals in the empire and gives 70% of jobs in agriculture area, even though 80% of people still depend on agriculture. They even export to the rest of the world and make more bills for the growth of the state. In conclusion, every country must grow food in their own territory to save their population from
further
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 incidents
such
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 as COVID-19 and other harmful diseases and make their country self-dependent. We can not ignore some bread we have to buy from different countries
due to
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 unavailability in their home commonwealth.

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coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from a clearer and more formal structure. Introductions should present the topic without stating 'I fully agree' as it sounds informal. Ensure that each paragraph has a single main idea and develop it coherently.
coherence cohesion
Use more complex sentence structures and linking words to improve logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the reader's ability to follow your argumentation.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task, but the response could be more complete if it considered both sides of the argument even if to ultimately disagree with one. This demonstrates the ability to engage critically with the topic.
task achievement
The use of examples is good but they should be more specific, detailed, and relevant to the argument in order to strengthen the supporting points.
coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary, including synonyms to avoid repetition. Avoid using colloquial words like 'kingdom', 'motherlands', and 'bread' as they are used inaccurately in this context.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and avoid errors like 'in the empire' or 'produce in our kingdom,' which do not align with standard English usage.
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