IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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There is an ongoing discussion on whether lif risky
sports
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 should be prohibited or not.
While
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 it is beneficial to limit access to these activities for citizens, I would contend that they can benefit more from giving
people
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 more
freedom
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 to decide whether they want to take part in these
sports
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 or not.
To begin
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 with, some extreme
sports
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 can come with a higher risk of accidents and injuries, and government conflict may be necessary in some cases to ensure the
safety
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 of citizens.
However
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, some may argue that banning participation in these
sports
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 infringes on personal
freedom
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, it is important to consider the potential benefits,
such
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 as reducing healthcare costs and preventing death.
As a result
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, finding the right balance between individual
freedom
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 and public
safety
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 is a complex issue that requires careful consideration.
For example
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, it seems that how some
people
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 are easily influenced by the risky
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 posted on YouTube and social media. It's important to educate
people
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, especially the younger generation, about the potential dangers of imitating these activities without proper knowledge and
safety
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 measures.
On the other hand
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, the
freedom
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 to do
sports
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 is an essential part of
people
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 because of some reasons.
Initially
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,
people
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 have their own interest in
sports
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 that they want to do in their life.
For instance
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, some
people
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 prefer tracking and some other
sports
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 like sky diving, and bungee jumping because they want to relieve their stress level by doing adventurous activities.
Secondly
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, nowadays the private sector and the government have both developed
sports
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 facilities, especially in big cities> Regarding
this
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people
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 now can play
sports
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 with proper
safety
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. In conclusion, there are some reasons why
people
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 think dangerous
sports
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 should ban including its risk and alternative options. I believe
people
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 should play high-risk
sports
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 as long as they utilise proper
safety
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 and
take
Verb problem
get
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 proper guidance from certified trainers.

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure the essay has a clear introduction that lays out the views being discussed. The conclusion should summarily give your final opinion, reaffirming the points made.
Logical Structure
Improve on the logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all supporting sentences are relevant to that main idea.
Supported Main Points
Make sure to support your main points with relevant examples or evidence. Avoid vague statements and provide clear specifics when discussing views or opinions.
Complete Response
To score higher in task achievement, address all parts of the prompt thoroughly. Your response should fully cover why some believe dangerous sports should be banned and why others support freedom in choosing sports, before providing a reasoned personal opinion.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
Work on expressing ideas in a clear and comprehensive manner. This means using appropriate language and ensuring that your essay flows logically from one idea to the next, with clarity in the expression of those ideas.
Relevant Specific Examples
Use examples that are directly related to the topic of dangerous sports and how they relate to freedom and public safety. Broad or generic examples may not effectively support your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • severe injuries
  • fatalities
  • base jumping
  • bull running
  • extreme skiing
  • safeguard
  • well-being
  • regulating
  • avoidable harm
  • healthcare costs
  • burdening
  • personal freedom
  • autonomy
  • training
  • equipment
  • mitigated
  • personal satisfaction
  • mental health benefits
  • resilience
  • adventure
  • assess risks
  • public safety
  • unnecessary healthcare costs
  • outright bans
  • balanced approach
  • stringent safety standards
  • mandatory training sessions
  • adequately informed
  • safeguarding
  • public health
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