An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance.
It is said that a growing population is opting for cosmetic
procedures
to enhance their physical appearance
.
There are several reasons why many people
are undergoing cosmetic surgery. Firstly
, it can serve as a means to enhance self-esteem and the
Correct article usage
apply
overall
well-being. Improving physical appearance
, people
may experience increased their
confidence, which may even encourage them to share their photographs with their friends and other Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
on the
social Correct article usage
apply
media
. Secondly
, social media
platform
, Change the noun form
platforms
such
as Instagram, You tube
, and Telegram, provide easy access to information about various cosmetic Correct your spelling
Youtube
procedures
, leading people
frequently
compare themselves to others. Today, young Fix the infinitive
to frequently
people
influenced by social media
, are undergoing surgical procedures
and getting tattoos. These actions not only help boost their self-esteem but also
encourage them to share their images on social media
platforms without any hesitation. As a result
, people
would probably be encouraged to seek such
beauty standards.
Although
cosmetic surgery could be beneficial for people
in terms of reducing dissatisfied
with Replace the word
dissatisfaction
appearance
and boosting their confidence, I do not consider Correct pronoun usage
their appearance
this
a valid reason due to
long- terms
negative Correct your spelling
long-term
effect
and financial loss Fix the agreement mistake
effects
on
Change preposition
apply
them
.
These surgical Correct pronoun usage
apply
procedures
, however
, have inevitable consequences on health. Some individual who undergoes such
surgeries may be dissatisfied with the outcome, ultimately suffering from stress related to physical appearance
. This
can trigger them to pursue corrective surgery to continue to achieve desirable result
. Fix the agreement mistake
results
Furthermore
, cosmetic procedures
can be costly, and associated with financial stress. For example
, while
some individuals have to take into account expenses for hotel booking as well as
medical equipment and supplies, they may need to consolation with experts or pre-operational medical test
, which can increase their cost.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
tests
while
surgical procedures
may have merits, namely, increasing satisfaction with new
Correct article usage
a new
appearance
, and uplifting the mood, the potential impact on physical and mental health as well as
financial strain should not be disregarded.Submitted by hongminh317 on
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introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which is excellent. However, the introduction could briefly outline the main points to improve coherence.
relevant specific examples
Your main ideas are relevant and you have provided some specific examples. Nevertheless, you could enhance your arguments by providing more detailed and varied examples to illustrate your points.
clear comprehensive ideas
While your arguments are generally clear, some sentences could be rephrased for better clarity. Also, ensure that you consistently maintain formal language throughout the essay.
logical structure
Try to maintain a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Some transitional phrases or words may help improve the flow between paragraphs.
logical structure
Make sure you proofread your essay to correct small grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect article usage. This will make your writing more polished.
introduction conclusion present
The essay's structure is solid, with a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main idea.
task achievement
The essay successfully achieves its task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of cosmetic surgery, providing a balanced viewpoint.
supported main points
The main points are well-supported with relevant examples, especially concerning social media's influence and the financial impact of cosmetic surgery.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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