Stress related illnesses are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

In the modern era,
people
, who live in
this
contemporary society, with stress-related issues have become relatively common compared to the past. For
this
phenomenon, there might be complicated causes of
this
issue
such
as heavy pressure from work and study and a high level of anxiety from competitions.
However
, fortunately, there would be possible solutions to address the
issue
.
To begin
with, those who live in the current world are exposed to a physically and psychologically taxed life with their work and study.
This
is
due to
the fact that
people
have a diverse of tasks that they have to achieve for their successful lives from their work and study. To exemplify
this
, students always have the burden to develop their potential for their future by completing and participating in their learning courses. When it comes to adults, they should put their effort into their self-development pursuing a better income and a greater work-life balance.
Hence
, these rationales can be considered as elements of increasing the level of stress.
Although
there is a significant
issue
with several contributions, there would be possible resolutions to deal with. One of the compelling solutions can be encouraging
people
to engage in their comfortable activities which help them relieve their mental stresses. As a salient example,
people
can go to gyms regularly to let negative energy go.
Furthermore
, physical movement is closely associated with hormones which stimulate
people
to be more positive. To make it happen, authorised departments can promote
this
information to everyone in the society by social media to increase society's perspectives related to
this
. With
this
method, the part of
this
issue
can be resolved.
To sum up
,
although
individuals might suffer from mental health issues with heavy stress from their professional lives and learning lives, conducting workouts or sports would be beneficial to reducing their stress levels as the biological hormones can impact their psychological status in a positive way.
Submitted by yeseulyou92 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the main ideas are explicitly stated and not just implied.
coherence cohesion
To improve the flow of the essay, use a range of linking devices effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
In your essay, provide more detailed and developed examples to support your points for a more robust argument.
task achievement
Make an effort to fully address all parts of the task, ensuring that your response covers the causes of stress-related illnesses, as well as a variety of solutions.
coherence cohesion
Use paragraphing to structure your response appropriately. Each paragraph should be well-developed, with a clear central topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion summarises the main points of the essay and reflects back on the question, offering a final perspective.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological advancements
  • constant connectivity
  • job demands
  • work-related stress
  • societal pressure
  • achieve success
  • erosion
  • work-life balance
  • exposure
  • negative news
  • social media comparisons
  • chronic stress
  • mental health support
  • stigma
  • flexible work hours
  • stress management techniques
  • mindfulness
  • access to mental health services
  • community support systems
  • emotional support
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