Some teachers tend to reward students with high academic results. Others, however, support and reward students that improved their grades. Discuss both view and vive your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
With academic achievement, there are a variety of opinions from many perspectives. Some people believe that the top high-level
students
should be treated with rewards as they presented an outstanding outcome compared to pupils which can motivate their peers,
while
other groups of the community assert that peers who receive better grades than before should be greatly valued as
this
is evidence for having more knowledge about their lives. These viewpoints will be discussed below.
To begin
with
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
supports advocate the opinion that
students
with the greatest score among all
students
should be considered to have meaningful rewards from the school and society.
This
is
due to
the fact that advantages from the school would bring motivation to classmates to learn harder to be included in the top student group.
This
phenomenon is already prevalent in society recognising that
students
who record relatively top results can enter top-name-valued universities which will end up bringing them more benefits in various ways for a high level of income and a better life-and-work balance.
Hence
,
this
is already undeniable the opinion is accepted with their appropriate rationale in the world.
Nonetheless
,
on the other hand
, there is a more reasonable point of view that all young generations with an improvement in their academic results should be provided more value with great recognition from adults including teachers and parents, and I am fully convinced.
In other words
, all young people should learn how to develop themselves compared to their past rather than compared to their classmates as the most important skill to live their lives with wisdom. As
this
is not an easy task for them to make even a tiny
further
step to make a difference in their study results,
this
should be recognised and complimented well by the adults.
Therefore
,
this
standing view should be considered significantly.
To conclude
,
although
some individuals argue that top-class pupils should be treated with great rewards as they might motivate other pupils to
parctice
Correct your spelling
practice
practise
more, there are still other parts of society who insist that
students
with better outcomes compared to their past should be more recognised as
this
might be an undeniable achievement in their learning courses.
Submitted by yeseulyou92 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a central idea that is expanded upon with clear and relevant examples. While your main points were supported, more detailed examples could better illustrate your argument.
task achievement
Try to present more comprehensive ideas by expanding your explanations and linking them directly to the question. Connecting your points more explicitly to the prompt will demonstrate a stronger understanding of the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: