IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Watching alone People these days watch TV, films and other programmes alone rather than with other people. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, life has become more convenient as
people
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 spend more
time
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 on entertainment by streaming services and computers alone
,
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 than spending their
time
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 with friends and family. In
this
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 essay, the writers will examine the advantages and disadvantages of entertainment and offer the writer's opinion.
To begin
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 with, standing in front of the screen alone has a great advantage. Viewing TV alone gives the watcher more privacy and access to manage the film as desired without any disruption from others.
For instance
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, great
people
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 nowadays subscribe to online platforms
such
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 as Disney Plus and Netflix, those entertainment display various genres of movies, dramas, and reality shows that are easier to access without being concerned about the
time
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 limit,
however
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 prefer watching movies by themselves
instead
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 of going to the cinema, it gives the viewer better and more freedom.
In addition
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, the services of online streaming have been easier for all ages, and provide the newest types of subtitles
by
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in
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 any
languages
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language
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 over the world.
On the other hand
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, online streaming alone on computers brings some disadvantages. It leads to individuals having a huge strain on social groups among friends and family. Streaming services put
people
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 in a comfort zone to spend most of their
time
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 alone,
while
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 families usually spend
time
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 together
while
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 watching TV and sharing some snacks.
Furthermore
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, some addicted streamers have become careless to others
due to
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 the lack of communication
by
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survey of how
people
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 react to their family in their comfort
time
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 by
Indonesia
Correct article usage
the Indonesia
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 Ministry of Psychology Education in 2022. In short, the advantages of technology affect lifestyle and communication among
people
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, the writers offer that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction provides a clear overview of what the essay will discuss. Avoid vague statements and aim to include a clear thesis statement that addresses the essay prompt directly. Consider presenting your opinion from the outset, if the question asks for it.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that directly relate to the main points you're planning to discuss. Make sure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and provides a thorough explanation and example if necessary.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to better connect ideas and paragraphs. Use these tools to show the relationship between ideas and to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
task achievement
Include more specific and detailed examples to support your points. Aim for concrete evidence, such as statistical data, research findings or real-world examples, to make your argument more convincing.
task achievement
Make sure your conclusion summarizes the main points of your essay and clearly reflects your opinion. It should echo the introduction, providing a sense of closure and clearly address the question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • personal freedom
  • compromise
  • negotiate
  • viewing preferences
  • enhanced focus
  • immerse
  • understanding
  • appreciation
  • independent decision-making
  • autonomy
  • personal responsibility
  • isolation
  • social disconnection
  • loneliness
  • shared viewing experiences
  • bonding opportunities
  • collective experience
  • discussions
  • communal aspect
  • screen time
  • physical and mental health
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