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Writing Samples /
Band 2

"Some people believe that technology causes more problems for modern society than it solves. To what extent do you agree or disagree?"

#people #technology #society
Technology
 has become
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
essencial
Correct your spelling
essential
 part of human life. Many think that advancement in
technology
 is
distructive
Correct your spelling
destructive
 more than
constuctive
Correct your spelling
constructive
 for the latest society.
Although
technology
such
 as social
media
 and gaming is spoiling the young generation, still i disagree with the notion because
technology
helping
Wrong verb form
helps
show examples
 to develop
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better life for people. Healthcare and Communication
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 are the biggest
example
Change the noun form
examples
show examples
 in favor.
To begin
 with, social
media
 and
gaming
Correct article usage
the gaming
show examples
 sector have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
evolved very much. To illustrate
further
, social
media
 is easily
approcable
Correct your spelling
approachable
 through the internet worldwide.
As a result
,
youngester
Correct your spelling
young people
 spend so much time
over
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social
media
 and get
distract
Change the verb form
distracted
show examples
 mostly from
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 or
real
Correct article usage
the real
show examples
 world.
Similar
Correct article usage
A similar
show examples
draw back
Correct your spelling
drawback
show examples
 is gaming.
Technology
 made the game as real world which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only adolescents use but
also
 elder people
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
play and waste more time there. Moving to the positive part, modern
technology
 helped in
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 care sector. Just because of
technology
, now we can detect many health issues at
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
 stage, Apart from
medical
Replace the word
medicine
show examples
,
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
technology
 helped to connect people anywhere in the world. In conclusion,
Submitted by shammy.paul on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure your essay includes a clear introduction, body paragraphs that logically flow from one to the next, and a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position.
Coherence & Cohesion
Develop each point with specific examples and detailed explanations to strengthen your arguments.
Task Achievement
The essay needs to be completed with a conclusion that restates your opinion and summarizes the arguments presented.
Task Achievement
Ensure that you have a balance of both sides of the argument if you partially agree or disagree, or if you fully agree or disagree, then ensure all points align with that perspective.
Coherence & Cohesion
Increase the variety and complexity of your sentence structures. Use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to show linguistic range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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