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Band 6.5

Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is this the case ? Do you think this is a positive or negative developments?

The widespread
use
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 of
smartphones
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 among
children
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 has become a growing concern, as many of them spend several hours each day using these devices.
This
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 trend is mainly driven by technological accessibility and changing lifestyles.
While
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smartphones
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 can provide certain educational benefits, I believe that
this
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 development is largely negative
due to
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 its harmful effects on
children
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’s health,
behavior
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behaviour
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, and social skills. One of the main reasons
children
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 spend long hours on
smartphones
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 is the rapid expansion of digital entertainment. Modern
smartphones
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 provide easy access to games, videos, and social media platforms that are specifically designed to capture users’ attention for long periods of
time
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.
As a result
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,
children
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 often become absorbed in these activities, sometimes to the point of addiction.
In addition
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, many parents allow their
children
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 to
use
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smartphones
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 as a convenient way to keep them occupied
while
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 they are busy with work or other responsibilities.
This
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 practice unintentionally encourages
children
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 to rely heavily on digital devices for entertainment. Another contributing factor is the increasing role of technology in education and communication. Many schools incorporate digital tools and online platforms into learning, which requires
children
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 to
use
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smartphones
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 or other devices.
Furthermore
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,
children
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use
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 messaging applications to communicate with friends and classmates, making
smartphones
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 an essential part of their daily social lives. Despite these advantages, I believe
this
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 trend is largely a negative development. Excessive smartphone
use
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 can lead to a variety of physical and mental health problems.
For instance
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, prolonged screen
time
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 is associated with eye strain, poor sleep patterns, and reduced physical activity.
Moreover
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, spending too much
time
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 on
smartphones
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 may hinder
children
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’s ability to develop strong social and communication skills, as they have fewer opportunities for face-to-face interaction. Over
time
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,
this
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 may lead to social isolation and weaker interpersonal relationships. In conclusion,
although
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children
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 spend many hours on
smartphones
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due to
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 easy access to digital entertainment and the growing role of technology in education and communication, the
overall
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 impact is mostly negative. Excessive smartphone
use
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 can harm
children
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’s physical health and social development, making it a concerning trend that parents and educators should carefully manage.

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task
Give a more balanced view by showing some good points and ways to handle the issue, then explain why you still feel the main idea.
coherence
Link ideas clearly. Use words like also, then, but to show how ideas connect.
content
Give more real examples from school or home to back each point.
language
Use small, simple words and shorter sentences to be easy for all to read.
strength
Clear view and easy to read.
structure
Good order in paragraphs.
content
Points on causes and effects are easy to see.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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