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Band 4.5

Many countries aim to provide their living standard by economic development, but some important social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #aim #development #values
Many governments are making efforts to enhance
Correct article usage
the economic
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economic
Replace the word
economy
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 in order to strengthen living quality. Many people argue that
this
 action could affect some vital cultures in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Although
 there can be no doubt that
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of the economy has some drawbacks, I am of the opinion that the strengths will likely be more significant On the one hand, I believe that
this
 trend may carry a certain degree of
risks
Fix the agreement mistake
risk
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on
Change preposition
to
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 traditional culture. The first drawback is it can pose a threat to boundaries between humans.
This
 is because the more prosperous, the more separation in
scheme
Add an article
the scheme
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 of
lower-class
Correct your spelling
lower class
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 and
upper-class
Correct your spelling
upper class
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 in the country,
undermine
Wrong verb form
undermining
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 inhabitants’ connections.
Furthermore
, people will tend to
irresponsible
Add a missing verb
be irresponsible
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 with sort of things,
this
 could be explained by the fact that humans can buy everything easily in exchange for money.
Nevertheless
, the option to improve society’s living quality can exert certain benefits.
Firstly
, it can endorse individuals and society working harder to be able to access the highest quality of living.
For example
, some
development
Replace the word
developed
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 countries
such
 as the USA will have
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modernist infrastructures and services, encouraging their inhabitants to work day and night to enjoy these facilities.
Secondly
, the governments can offer financial support for services and more. To illustrate, employees or homeless people can be helped,
medicine
Correct word choice
and medicine
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 and
education’s
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education
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 fees will
also
 receive government allowances. In conclusion,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
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while
 there are many disadvantages regarding economic improvement, I believe the benefits that result from
this
 trend
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 of more vital
significant
Replace the word
significance
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. It is recommended that
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
efforts
on increasing
Change preposition
to increase
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 the economy should have more advocates.
Submitted by nguyetcat.dao on

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introduction conclusion present
Make sure to present a clear introduction with a thesis statement that directly addresses the question. This will set a strong foundation for your essay.
logical structure
Your essay needs a logical flow of ideas. Try to use cohesive devices to link your ideas more seamlessly and enhance the logical progression.
supported main points
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence. General statements should be underpinned with concrete illustrations to be more compelling.
complete response
Ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Clearly state the advantages and disadvantages and make sure to explain why one outweighs the other, with relevant examples and detailed explanations.
clear comprehensive ideas
The clarity of your essay can be improved by directly addressing the question and providing comprehensive development of your ideas. Avoid general statements; instead, expand on your ideas with clear reasoning and specific examples.
relevant specific examples
Use a wider range of vocabulary to accurately express your ideas and make sure the language is specific to the topic. Avoid repeatition and strive for variety in your expression.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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