IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The relatively recent development of games on phones, computers, and TV consoles is extremely popular with people all over the world. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such electronic games?

#development #games #phones #computers #tv #consoles #people #world
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The emergence of
game
Use synonyms
 developments on many resources
such
Linking Words
 as phones, computers and TV consoles become mainstream in society around the world. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, both the positive and negative effects of
this
Linking Words
 matter will be outlined before reaching a conclusion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are several advantages of playing
games
Use synonyms
 that provide with their
players
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some
games
Use synonyms
 can be an inspiration for their
players
Use synonyms
 to live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an ordinary life,
for example
Linking Words
, the
game
Use synonyms
 which is so-called "Harvest Moon".
This
Linking Words
game
Use synonyms
 is about living in country communities, farming, breeding, etc,
as well as
Linking Words
, having a family and taking care of them .
Hence
Linking Words
,
players
Use synonyms
 who play
this
Linking Words
game
Use synonyms
 can learn about how to socialise with people,
take
Correct word choice
and take
show examples
 care of themselves, and their families by starting from nothing.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
games
Use synonyms
 can be a language teacher. Many
games
Use synonyms
 these days have both subtitles and dialogue whilst characters are having conversations.
Thus
Linking Words
,
players
Use synonyms
 can learn and memorise
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
new vocabulary in order to use them in numerous situations in real life.
Additionally
Linking Words
, playing
games
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 brings disadvantages to
players
Use synonyms
. At
first,
Linking Words
games
Use synonyms
 engulf
players
Use synonyms
' time and make them become inactive by sitting with their consoles
instead
Linking Words
 of going outside. These problems lead to health issues
such
Linking Words
 as obesity and bad eyesight.
Next,
Linking Words
some
games
Use synonyms
 contain
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 content which in turn people can see
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
as a sample.
For instance
Linking Words
, GTA allows
players
Use synonyms
 to commit crimes
such
Linking Words
 as using guns, stealing cars, driving without being careful and so on. If
players
Use synonyms
 cannot distinguish what is good or bad actions, it will affect their behaviours. All in all, the development of
games
Use synonyms
 on many resources can give
players
Use synonyms
 both advantages and disadvantages.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the public should be aware of the contents of the
games
Use synonyms
 they play.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Ensure that all sentences are complete and free from minor grammatical errors, such as missing articles or incorrect word forms.
content development
Expand upon some points with more detailed examples or explanations to strengthen the argument.
structure
The essay is well-organized with clear introduction and conclusion.
content
The response is comprehensive and addresses both the pros and cons of electronic games.
content use
Relevant examples like 'Harvest Moon' and 'GTA' are used effectively to illustrate points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive functions
  • problem-solving skills
  • spatial awareness
  • multitasking
  • addiction
  • attention span
  • online multiplayer games
  • teamwork
  • communication skills
  • social isolation
  • economic impact
  • revenue
  • financial strain
  • stress relief
  • eye strain
  • poor posture
  • sedentary lifestyle
What to do next:
Look at other essays: