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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below give information about attendance at entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information about attendance at entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The column chart gives information about the entertainment venue's attendance (in thousands),
while
Linking Words
 the table shows ticket
prices
Use synonyms
 for seven different types of events in 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of attendees had no correlation with the
admission
Use synonyms
 price, and
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 was the most affordable event. To commence with, the entertainment events were divided into three main categories,
sports
Use synonyms
,
theme
Use synonyms
 parks, and cinemas.
Sports
Use synonyms
 had no more than 200 thousand attendances,
thus
Linking Words
, it became the lowest number, even
its
Correct word choice
though its
show examples
admission
Use synonyms
prices
Use synonyms
 were the second lowest.
Theme
Use synonyms
 Park which had the highest
prices
Use synonyms
 of
admission
Use synonyms
 at 70 dollars, only scored no more than 400 thousand attendances. Meanwhile, Cinemas had almost fourfold
Fix the agreement mistake
attendance
show examples
attendances
Fix the agreement mistake
attendance
show examples
 compared with
theme
Use synonyms
 parks, and around 500% higher than
sports
Use synonyms
. Regarding
admission
Use synonyms
prices
Use synonyms
, the cinema was the entertainment venue that offered the most affordable price at 15 dollars for individual tickets,
while
Linking Words
 the family ticket consisted of four people at 55 dollars.
Otherwise
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 had more varieties and the highest ticket
prices
Use synonyms
,
sports
Use synonyms
admission
Use synonyms
prices
Use synonyms
 were cheaper than the
theme
Use synonyms
 park's price of
admission
Use synonyms
 on average.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words prices, admission, sports, theme with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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