The charts below give information about attendance at entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The charts below give information about attendance at entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.
The column chart gives information about the entertainment venue's attendance (in thousands),
while
the table shows ticket
prices
for seven different types of events in 2009.
Overall
, the number of attendees had no correlation with the
admission
price, and
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
was the most affordable event. To commence with, the entertainment events were divided into three main categories,
sports
,
theme
parks, and cinemas.
Sports
had no more than 200 thousand attendances,
thus
, it became the lowest number, even
its
Correct word choice
though its
show examples
admission
prices
were the second lowest.
Theme
Park which had the highest
prices
of
admission
at 70 dollars, only scored no more than 400 thousand attendances. Meanwhile, Cinemas had almost fourfold
Fix the agreement mistake
attendance
show examples
attendances
Fix the agreement mistake
attendance
show examples
compared with
theme
parks, and around 500% higher than
sports
. Regarding
admission
prices
, the cinema was the entertainment venue that offered the most affordable price at 15 dollars for individual tickets,
while
the family ticket consisted of four people at 55 dollars.
Otherwise
,
although
had more varieties and the highest ticket
prices
,
sports
admission
prices
were cheaper than the
theme
park's price of
admission
on average.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words prices, admission, sports, theme with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

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