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Writing Samples
Band 6

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Although
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 many people realize that
oil
Use synonyms
 will ultimately run out, searching for
oil
Use synonyms
 still receives a lot of funds.
Consequently
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, I firmly agree that it would be more reasonable to allocate some budget to renewable
energy
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 development,
such
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 as
wind
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 and solar
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
this
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 approach benefits not only the environment but
also
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 the economy.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, it is obvious that renewable
energy
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 is far more sustainable than
oil
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 as it releases lower carbon dioxide, preventing harmful damage to the environment. Clean
energy
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,
such
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 as
wind
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, solar, or even
electricity
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, is produced with higher-efficiency methods that do not require heavy machines to burn fuel or heat
oil
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.
Therefore
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, carbon dioxide emission rates are lower.
For example
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, electric vehicles play an important role in decreasing pollution as they produce less toxic gases, compared with traditional cars which use
oil
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 combustion engines.
Hence
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, if these sources of power can be applied to various situations, the environmental issues will be tackled efficiently.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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,
although
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 developing new sources of power is a huge investment,
this
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 solution has long-term advantages, saving costs
in particular
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. By switching to
generate
Wrong verb form
generating
show examples
electricity
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 with solar and
wind
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, the cost of production will decrease because these sources of power are unlimited and available in most areas for free.
For instance
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, many factories have installed solar panels on their roofs in order to generate their own
electricity
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.
As a result
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, their
electricity
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 bills are cheaper, spending lower amounts in the long run, and
finally
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 reflecting
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
higher profits.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly agree that an investment in renewable
energy
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 apart from
oil
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 has positive impacts on both the environment and finances.
While
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 clean
energy
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,
such
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 as solar and
wind
Use synonyms
, has lower carbon dioxide emission rates, addressing current pollution concerns, it
also
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 benefits the economy directly. With self-generated
energy
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, companies can greatly save
energy
Use synonyms
 expenses, increasing their profit significantly.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main points that you will discuss, which is a strong way to start your essay.
coherence cohesion
The use of examples, like electric vehicles and solar panels, helps to illustrate your points effectively, which is great for clarity.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • finite
  • renewable energy sources
  • expenditure
  • compromise
  • sustainable
  • environmental impact
  • infrastructure
  • economic sustainability
  • dependency
  • fluctuating prices
  • stimulate
  • job creation
  • vested interests
  • transition
  • reluctance
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