IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Although
Linking Words
 many people realize that
oil
Use synonyms
 will ultimately run out, searching for
oil
Use synonyms
 still receives a lot of funds.
Consequently
Linking Words
, I firmly agree that it would be more reasonable to allocate some budget to renewable
energy
Use synonyms
 development,
such
Linking Words
 as
wind
Use synonyms
 and solar
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
this
Linking Words
 approach benefits not only the environment but
also
Linking Words
 the economy.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is obvious that renewable
energy
Use synonyms
 is far more sustainable than
oil
Use synonyms
 as it releases lower carbon dioxide, preventing harmful damage to the environment. Clean
energy
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as
wind
Use synonyms
, solar, or even
electricity
Use synonyms
, is produced with higher-efficiency methods that do not require heavy machines to burn fuel or heat
oil
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, carbon dioxide emission rates are lower.
For example
Linking Words
, electric vehicles play an important role in decreasing pollution as they produce less toxic gases, compared with traditional cars which use
oil
Use synonyms
 combustion engines.
Hence
Linking Words
, if these sources of power can be applied to various situations, the environmental issues will be tackled efficiently.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 developing new sources of power is a huge investment,
this
Linking Words
 solution has long-term advantages, saving costs
in particular
Linking Words
. By switching to
generate
Wrong verb form
generating
show examples
electricity
Use synonyms
 with solar and
wind
Use synonyms
, the cost of production will decrease because these sources of power are unlimited and available in most areas for free.
For instance
Linking Words
, many factories have installed solar panels on their roofs in order to generate their own
electricity
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, their
electricity
Use synonyms
 bills are cheaper, spending lower amounts in the long run, and
finally
Linking Words
 reflecting
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
higher profits. In conclusion, I strongly agree that an investment in renewable
energy
Use synonyms
 apart from
oil
Use synonyms
 has positive impacts on both the environment and finances.
While
Linking Words
 clean
energy
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as solar and
wind
Use synonyms
, has lower carbon dioxide emission rates, addressing current pollution concerns, it
also
Linking Words
 benefits the economy directly. With self-generated
energy
Use synonyms
, companies can greatly save
energy
Use synonyms
 expenses, increasing their profit significantly.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main points that you will discuss, which is a strong way to start your essay.
coherence cohesion
The use of examples, like electric vehicles and solar panels, helps to illustrate your points effectively, which is great for clarity.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • finite
  • renewable energy sources
  • expenditure
  • compromise
  • sustainable
  • environmental impact
  • infrastructure
  • economic sustainability
  • dependency
  • fluctuating prices
  • stimulate
  • job creation
  • vested interests
  • transition
  • reluctance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: