People drink more and more sugar-based drinks. What is the reason why more and more people consume suger-based drinks? How to reduce the consumption of sugar-based drinks?
Nowadays,
sugar
-based drinks
-such
as Coke, juices, and soft drinks
- are likely preferred by people
. I strongly believe that some people
, especially children and teenagers, like these drinks
because of the sweetness, and variety of the flavour. However
, it is undeniable that consuming drinks
that contain a lot of sugar
could be harmful for
the body's metabolism affecting our health. Change the preposition
to
Therefore
, the consumption
of drinks
containing sugar
should be reduced to minimize its risks. In my opinion, there are two effective ways to reduce sugar
-based drink consumption
, which are education, and rule-making.
To begin
with, minimizing sugar
-based drinks
consumption
can be achieved by educating people
about the negative effects of drinking them. It can be done in several ways, such
as by providing information
about the possible diseases that could occur by consuming drinks
with sugar
content on television, radio, or any other media that most people
use. In addition
, some governmental sectors, especially the hospital or healthcare sector, can educate people
by providing information
on some terrible cases that occur due to
high consumption
of sugar
-based drinks
online. Since almost of generations have used the internet on their daily life basis, I believe that providing information
on the internet enables its users to access any information
easily. Hence
, this
way could be effective and accessible.
Other than that, rule makers' participation in minimizing the consumption
of sugar
-based drinks
will be efficient too. Rule makers can make rules for the sugar
-based drinks
factories to review and do some research and development about producing those drinks
that can be harmful to people
's health, by looking at the standard of sugar
usage, or other sugar
components. If the rules are applied by the sugar
-based drinks
producers, the production of drinks
that contain sugar
will be decreased.
In conclusion, even though the delicious taste of sugar
-based drinks
is preferred, there has to be a limitation on how much people
consume them. Ways that can be done to reduce the consumption
are by educating people
about the possible risks of consuming sugar
-based drinks
,
and Remove the comma
apply
also
making rules about their production.Submitted by firmansyahafandy99 on
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task achievement
Try providing more specific examples or evidence to support your points. This can make your argument more compelling and concrete.
coherence cohesion
You may want to improve the conclusion by summarizing the main points more clearly and restating the importance of reducing sugar-based drink consumption.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, which makes it easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear opening and closing for your discussion.
task achievement
You've addressed both parts of the question well, discussing the reasons people consume more sugar-based drinks and how to reduce their consumption.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.