Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To that extent do you agree or disagree.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Issues pertaining to elective
subjects
Use synonyms
are a frequent topic of discussion in contemporary discourse. Some argue that schools should prioritize academic success and examination results, contending that
subjects
Use synonyms
like cookery, dressmaking, and woodwork are better learned within familial and peer settings.
However
Linking Words
, I vehemently disagree with
this
Linking Words
viewpoint, emphasizing the considerable advantages these
skills
Use synonyms
offer and the role they play in effective household time management.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is essential to recognize that
skills
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
as cooking, dressmaking, and woodworking form the foundation for children's future careers. When schools enlist experts in these domains to share their insights, students can efficiently develop their
skills
Use synonyms
as hobbyists.
Moreover
Linking Words
, mastering these
skills
Use synonyms
contributes to the holistic development of children.
For instance
Linking Words
, cookery enhances teamwork and mathematical
skills
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
woodworking fosters an understanding of three-dimensional objects.
Additionally
Linking Words
, not every family possesses the necessary time to impart these
skills
Use synonyms
effectively.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it is more practical for schools to assume responsibility for teaching these
subjects
Use synonyms
. Integrating elective courses into the regular teaching schedule can diversify the curriculum and provide students with essential knowledge.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, proficiency in these elective
subjects
Use synonyms
is often a prerequisite for university admissions. In conclusion, I firmly believe that elective
skills
Use synonyms
should be an integral part of the school or university curriculum, as obtaining a foundational understanding within educational institutions is preferable to seeking additional courses externally.
Therefore
Linking Words
, educational institutions must strike a delicate balance between academic
skills
Use synonyms
and optional
subjects
Use synonyms
, recognizing the invaluable role these elective
skills
Use synonyms
play in a well-rounded education.
Submitted by nine318 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To enhance logical structure, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that ideas flow smoothly from one to the next. Employ connective words and phrases to signal relationships between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and collectively bookend the discussion effectively. However, ensure the thesis statement in the introduction directly addresses the essay prompt and that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and your position without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your main points should always be supported by specific examples or evidence. While your essay includes relevant support for some claims, strive to include specific, detailed examples in every main body paragraph to illustrate and reinforce your arguments.
task achievement
Your response to the task covers the key aspects of the prompt; however, the response could be more complete. Make sure to address all parts of the prompt fully and provide a balanced discussion if the question requires consideration of different viewpoints.
task achievement
The ideas in your essay are clear and comprehensive overall, but can benefit from further expansion and deeper analysis. Each idea should be explored fully with appropriate support to demonstrate a high level of understanding.
task achievement
You have used some relevant examples, but they are not always specific or detailed enough. Specific examples serve as convincing evidence of your claims and are crucial for a high score in task achievement. Include more illustrative examples and detail to strengthen your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic success
  • passing examinations
  • cookery
  • dressmaking
  • woodwork
  • learn from family and friends
  • personalized learning environment
  • supportive learning environment
  • well-rounded education
  • school curriculum
  • resources
  • expert guidance
  • enhance creativity
  • problem-solving
  • teamwork
What to do next:
Look at other essays: