Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.

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Children
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's
education
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creates a big controversy these days.
While
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some adults are convinced that homeschooling is a great choice for early
education
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, I believe
schools
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offer a better
education
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in kids' social development.
This
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essay will run you through both views and give you my perspectives on why sending your
children
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to school will be beneficial in terms of improving social intelligence. It is understandable that some parents think that they are the first and most trusted
education
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givers to their little ones. When you homeschool your
children
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, it is free to say that they got supervised ten times better than letting other teachers take your role to watch your kids.
Moreover
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, these little cubs are unique, and perhaps being homeschooled means that you can adjust the perfect study methods
due to
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their specific needs.
For example
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, a cousin of mine only speaks English in a non-English-speaking country,
thus
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, his mom picked homeschooling as an option because of his specific need for a particular language that was not prepared by all
schools
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.
On the other hand
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,
children
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need to improve their social intelligence by participating in group activities at school. They are now in the age of having the urge to explore everything,
hence
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, the
schools
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provide
this
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better with some projects and teamwork throughout the curriculum.
For instance
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, in Indonesia, visiting museums is one of the mandatory trips for public
schools
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that provide a good lesson in social skills for
children
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such
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as communication,
practicing
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practising
show examples
obeying the rules, and many more. In conclusion, homeschools give parents a lot more space to intervene in their child's
education
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due to
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the special needs of each kid but I believe
schools
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have added value which is the privilege to practice soft skills
such
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as teamwork and communication.
Submitted by hunnyfieddd on

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coherence cohesion
You have provided a logical structure that is easy to follow, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, to improve further, refine your topic sentences so they provide a clearer indication of the paragraph's main point. Aim for a more explicit exposition of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion sums up the arguments made, but could benefit from a more decisive stance on your opinion. Restate your thesis more strongly to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
task achievement
Your response addresses the task and you present clear ideas, but to achieve a higher score, expand on your examples to fully support your points. Providing more detailed instances or evidence will strengthen your arguments and enhance the overall task response.
task achievement
Develop your ideas further with a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to demonstrate language proficiency. Use synonyms and complex sentence forms for a more comprehensive response.
task achievement
Include more examples that are fully developed and directly relevant to the main points. Backing up your arguments with specific details or data will ground your essay in real-world context and improve relevancy.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • personalized learning
  • cater
  • flexible schedule
  • extracurricular activities
  • safe learning environment
  • bullying
  • peer pressure
  • socialization
  • diversity awareness
  • structured environment
  • discipline
  • punctuality
  • resources and facilities
  • communication skills
  • teamwork
  • specialized subjects
  • experts
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