Q. In some countries, birth rates are falling and experts say that by 2050 these countries will have far more adults aged 65 and over than children under 15. What problem might this cause in the future? Can anything be done to solve this issue?
The most developed countries are sick
in
the falling Change preposition
with
birth
rate
issue, more detailed, the number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
population
percentage of people aged 65 and over will have
far more than the proportion of children under 15. Verb problem
be
Overall
, this
problem on the national level, is predicted to cause
problems in future; unbalanced
Correct article usage
an unbalanced
population
rate
, demands of difference
social infrastructures and its side effects as we unexpected.
From the beginning of 20th history, the Replace the word
different
population
rate
has been changed by sort of world histories like world wars, globally spread viruses, huge migration by
time, etc. Change preposition
over
However
, this
essay is based on the short period between 1950 to 2050 to concentrate more about
the Change preposition
on
birth
rate
issue which has been mentioned by experts these days. As far as we know, the percentage of people aged 65 and over is getting higher than before and birth
Correct article usage
the birth
rate
is getting lower as the number of
percentage of children under 15 has decreased. It might Correct quantifier usage
apply
cause
problems because population
Correct article usage
the population
rate
has been stable for a while
.
Firstly
, all the countries have focused on their national facilities to fit that previous rate
for a while
. And if
there is a big change Correct word choice
If
of
the Change preposition
in
population
causing birth
Correct article usage
the birth
rate
as
a big step, some Change preposition
to
of
social facilities require more space, workers and Change preposition
apply
also
budget
to operate. Correct article usage
a budget
On the other hand
, all kind
of medical hospitals for elders will be crowded and Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
fulfilled
with people aged 65 and over. It will progressively accelerate by progress of Verb problem
filled
the
medical technologies; tracking cancer with nano technology, Correct article usage
apply
much developed
MRI scanning Add a hyphen
much-developed
machine
, AI diagnosis programs, etc.
To solve Fix the agreement mistake
machines
this
falling birth
rate
issue which Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
cause
many demands Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
Change preposition
for
of
social facilities, we should keep Change preposition
for
Correct article usage
an eyes
Fix the agreement mistake
eye
eyes
on the reason why the Fix the agreement mistake
eye
birth
rate
and encourage young parents to settle down in good
conditioned environments to make their Correct word choice
apply
Fix the agreement mistake
families
family
with children. For Fix the agreement mistake
families
examples
, The countries can support Fix the agreement mistake
example
on
their finance, low interest Change preposition
apply
rate
loan
for Fix the agreement mistake
loans
house
, planning to make existing school systems, etc. Those solutions could be not easy to make immediately, but we had to do that before we Fix the agreement mistake
houses
recognize
that the problem Wrong verb form
recognised
is
upcoming and Wrong verb form
was
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
the
other national problems in a straight.Correct article usage
apply
Submitted by lss870311 on
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structure
Make sure to introduce your essay with a clear thesis statement that outlines your discussion points. Additionally, ensure you include a distinct conclusion that summarizes your main ideas and reflects on the implications or solutions.
cohesion
Work on developing a logical progression of ideas throughout your essay. Use a variety of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to enhance the flow of your arguments.
task response
Strive to fully address the prompt by discussing not only the problems associated with an aging population but also providing specific, realistic solutions to the issue of the falling birth rate.
examples
Utilize specific examples and evidence to support your arguments, strengthening your task achievement score. This can involve referencing statistical data, relevant studies, or hypothetical scenarios that are directly connected to the prompt.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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