Q. In some countries, birth rates are falling and experts say that by 2050 these countries will have far more adults aged 65 and over than children under 15. What problem might this cause in the future? Can anything be done to solve this issue?

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The most developed countries are sick
in
Change preposition
with
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the falling
birth
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rate
Use synonyms
issue, more detailed, the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
population
Use synonyms
percentage of people aged 65 and over will
have
Verb problem
be
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far more than the proportion of children under 15.
Overall
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,
this
Linking Words
problem on the national level, is predicted to
cause
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problems in future;
unbalanced
Correct article usage
an unbalanced
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population
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rate
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, demands of
difference
Replace the word
different
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social infrastructures and its side effects as we unexpected. From the beginning of 20th history, the
population
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rate
Use synonyms
has been changed by sort of world histories like world wars, globally spread viruses, huge migration
by
Change preposition
over
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time, etc.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
essay is based on the short period between 1950 to 2050 to concentrate more
about
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on
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the
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
issue which has been mentioned by experts these days. As far as we know, the percentage of people aged 65 and over is getting higher than before and
Use synonyms
birth
Correct article usage
the birth
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
is getting lower as the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
percentage of children under 15 has decreased. It might
cause
Use synonyms
problems because
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
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rate
Use synonyms
has been stable for a
while
Linking Words
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, all the countries have focused on their national facilities to fit that previous
rate
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for a
while
Linking Words
.
And if
Correct word choice
If
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there is a big change
of
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in
show examples
the
population
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causing
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birth
Correct article usage
the birth
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rate
Use synonyms
as
Change preposition
to
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a big step, some
of
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apply
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social facilities require more space, workers and
also
Linking Words
budget
Correct article usage
a budget
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to operate.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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of medical hospitals for elders will be crowded and
fulfilled
Verb problem
filled
show examples
with people aged 65 and over. It will progressively accelerate by progress of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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medical technologies; tracking cancer with nano technology,
much developed
Add a hyphen
much-developed
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MRI scanning
machine
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machines
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, AI diagnosis programs, etc. To solve
this
Linking Words
falling
birth
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rate
Use synonyms
issue which
Use synonyms
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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many demands
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for
show examples
of
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for
show examples
social facilities, we should keep
Correct article usage
an eyes
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
eye
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eyes
Fix the agreement mistake
eye
show examples
on the reason why the
birth
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rate
Use synonyms
and encourage young parents to settle down in
good
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
conditioned environments to make their
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
with children. For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
, The countries can support
on
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apply
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their finance, low interest
rate
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loan
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loans
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for
house
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houses
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, planning to make existing school systems, etc. Those solutions could be not easy to make immediately, but we had to do that before we
recognize
Wrong verb form
recognised
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that the problem
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
upcoming and
Use synonyms
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other national problems in a straight.
Submitted by lss870311 on

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structure
Make sure to introduce your essay with a clear thesis statement that outlines your discussion points. Additionally, ensure you include a distinct conclusion that summarizes your main ideas and reflects on the implications or solutions.
cohesion
Work on developing a logical progression of ideas throughout your essay. Use a variety of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to enhance the flow of your arguments.
task response
Strive to fully address the prompt by discussing not only the problems associated with an aging population but also providing specific, realistic solutions to the issue of the falling birth rate.
examples
Utilize specific examples and evidence to support your arguments, strengthening your task achievement score. This can involve referencing statistical data, relevant studies, or hypothetical scenarios that are directly connected to the prompt.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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