Some people think it is no longer necessary for children to go to school because they can do all their learning online. Others believe learning in schools is essential. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The internet has infiltrated all
aspect
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aspects
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of our
lifes
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lives
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,
revolutionazing
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revolutionizing
revolutionising
the present
education
system by enabling students with
flexibility
Add an article
the flexibility
show examples
to study from home.
While
certain individuals contend the notion that the necessity for schools is foregone and schoolers can be educated through online learning platforms, other people claim the opposite view by emphasizing the importance of
conventional
Correct article usage
the conventional
show examples
school
education
system. First and foremost, in the present, only a few schools offer either hybrid
of
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
completely online
education
choices for pupils to choose from. Global
phenomenons
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phenomena
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such
as
the
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apply
show examples
COVID-19
has
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have
show examples
terminated all open-ended questions that were raising apprehension by conservatives
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
an online
school
education
could be relied on or not. To cite an example, local schools in Azerbaijan performed
two
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for two
show examples
consecutive years through online meeting tools like
zoom
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Zoom
show examples
and
microsoft
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Microsoft
show examples
.
Furthermore
, in the case of an emergency, having
this
educational agility could come
handy
Change preposition
in handy
show examples
to ensure the sustainability of
school
education
regardless of the conditions. From another perspective, it takes a huge amount of time for some students to attend in a physical classroom,
therefore
, online
education
seems like the most pragmatic solution in the cases which are similar to
this
.
On the other hand
, it is my contention that making
school
education
online can be detrimental to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future generations. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
a
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apply
show examples
physical contact and interaction between children and teachers is paramount at
this
stage of human development.
Moreover
, there are many properties and ethical subjects to be passed down by teachers to
studens
Correct your spelling
students
student
which is not possible on an online programme. The importance of face-to-face
education
is undeniable and
this
expedites the entire learning cycle, by eliminating barriers and establishing a perfect communication channel between learners and teaching staff. In conclusion,
although
existence
Add an article
the existence
show examples
of a hybrid online
school
might be fruitful amidst an emergency situation, a thorough transition from conventional to the online
school
system could be downgrading,
thus
should not be considered by the
Ministiry
Correct your spelling
Ministry
of
Education
.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, but you can improve the overall structure by presenting your main points more systematically. Try using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure you fully address all parts of the prompt. Make sure your opinion is clear throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion. Provide more specific examples to support your points for a more effective response.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words to create a more cohesive argument. This will help the flow of your essay and make the relationship between ideas more apparent.
task achievement
Refine your conclusion to more directly reflect the viewpoints presented and your stance. It should effectively summarize your discussion and clearly state your position on the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • customizable learning pace
  • global connectivity
  • social skills development
  • self-discipline
  • unequal access to technology
  • structured environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • supervised learning
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • peer pressure
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