Some people think that older school children should learn a wide range of subjects to acquire more knowledge, while other people believe they should learn a small number of subjects in details. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Few individuals believe that
students
should learn a variety of
subjects
to gain more knowledge,
on the other hand
, few people think that undergraduates should acquire a limited
number
of
subjects
with focus and deeply.
This
essay
intend
Change the verb form
intends
show examples
to analyse both views and explain why I am in favour of a limited
number
of education.
Firstly
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
believe that learning a limited
number
of courses will put a student under pressure and build more confidence to focus on a few things
moreover
, having a few courses will help
students
not just prepare for exams but
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
them to concentrate and understand the whole concept.
Therefore
, having
a limited
Correct the article-noun agreement
a limited subject
limited subjects
show examples
subjects
will give them time to focus on other physical activities like football, cricket, throwball etc, even though it will
also
help them to spend time with friends, family and neighbours.
Lastly
, because of fewer
subjects
, their mind will always be active and they will be mentally well without any study pressure.
In addition
,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
believe that having a variety of
subjects
will help them to acknowledge in studies.
However
, a wide range of courses takes a student away from their personal life like communicating with friends participating in physical sports and many more.
Furthermore
, these
subjects
make
students
physically and mentally unstable because they study a whole night and even after that some of them don't score well, which few of them make crucial decisions and others remain with regret.
Subsequently
,
while
having a variety of
subjects
students
always choose to fluke in exams rather than studying well or understanding the whole concept. In conclusion, every viewpoint has its own logic.
Although
, wide of
subjects
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
strongly believe that no other factor can be more important than a limited
number
of
subjects
.
Submitted by tushalk329 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language Variety
Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and demonstrate a range of language skills. For example, mix simple, complex, and compound sentences appropriately within your paragraphs for better flow and clarity.
Content Development
While your essay broadly covers the topic, incorporating more specific examples to support your points could strengthen your argument. Specific examples make your position more convincing and your essay more engaging for the reader.
Accuracy
Pay attention to accuracy in spelling, punctuation, and grammar to avoid detracting from your overall message. Errors in these areas can sometimes make your ideas harder to follow.
Topic Coverage
You effectively discuss both viewpoints on the topic, demonstrating a good understanding of the essay task.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, establishing your position and summarising your argument well. This structure helps in guiding the reader through your discussion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic education
  • cross-disciplinary
  • premature specialization
  • well-rounded personality
  • depth of knowledge
  • mastery
  • cognitive overload
  • expertise
  • academic achievements
  • tailored education
  • informed choices
  • specializations
  • adaptability
  • flexibility
  • foundational knowledge
What to do next:
Look at other essays: