IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #health #future
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On average, regular
people
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's
health
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 might be lower in the future, compared to
people
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's current
health
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 level currently. I believe that
this
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 opinion is logically true because the advancement of
food
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 and technology can affect biological molecules and cells. As the main fuel for the body,
food
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 significantly impacts on the system in the human body. More varieties of
food
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 are invented these days,
thus
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 it gradually shifts how our body responds and digests the
food
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. Not only the type of
food
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 but
also
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 the source of the main ingredients can be another issue which can change the current human digestive system. Many cutting-edge tools or knowledge are used to catalyze the reproduction of
food
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 ingredients, so the farmer can harvest their crops faster or the stockman can grow their livestock in a shorter time.
This
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 innovation somehow benefits the salesman to get more profit.
However
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,
this
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 method can affect the genes of the cells eventually because biotechnology is mainly used the genetic manipulation to foster the growth of crops or animals.
This
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 technique utilizes a chemical substance, which is definitely not a natural one, that can be harmful to our bodies in the long run.
This
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 modification in our genes can trigger the cancer cell to reproduce and start to spread.
Consequently
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, If
people
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 keep using these practices,
people
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's
health
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 in the next several years will get in trouble easier than before. In conclusion, from my perspective, I predict that normal
people
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's
health
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 in the future is going to be lower than the current one because of the fast growth of
food
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 and technology. The current method in biotechnology is deemed to be harmful to our bodies
at the end
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 of the day.
Submitted by shafatriviaa on

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introduction conclusion present
Make sure that your introduction includes a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points you will discuss in your essay.
logical structure
For a higher score in coherence and cohesion, try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly.
supported main points
Develop each main point in its own paragraph with a clear topic sentence at the beginning, followed by explanations and examples.
complete response
Ensure you address the task fully by providing a balanced discussion. Consider contrasting viewpoints and the implications of your argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are relevant, but for a higher score, elaborate on them with more depth. Aim to provide comprehensive explanations and more detailed examples.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments. This could include referencing studies, statistics, or historical facts.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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