In many countries, people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas. Why do you think that is? What problems can this cause?

#countries #people #areas

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It is true that

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apply

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these days, people from the countryside want to move to the

city

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for better opportunities.

This

Linking Words

phenomenon can be

particulary

Correct your spelling

particularly

seen among

young

Add an article

the young

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population, who are aged 20 to 30 years old. They think big cities have bigger markets and they can have better lives there.

Also

Linking Words

, people can easily find cultural activities

such

Linking Words

as galleries and exhibitions in urban areas.

Furthermore

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, for those who live far away from the

city

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, it is normal to take hours to get somewhere.

For instance

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, I have a friend who

live

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lives

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4 hours away from Seoul. One day, we decided to go to a job fair together and she had to book

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apply

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accommodation for that. Since those kinds of events are usually held in the capital, job seekers need to take the bus or the train for hours.

Therefore

Linking Words

, they just conclude that living in the

city

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convinient

Correct your spelling

convenient

Therefore

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, the number of the young will increase in cities,

whereas

Linking Words

the old, who don't need to find jobs, will stay in rural areas. It will cause

a huge differences

Correct the article-noun agreement

huge differences

a huge difference

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between the two because, in the end, governments will build more facilities and buildings in developed places. I think it will become a vicious cycle. The more infrastructures are going to be built, the more population are going to move to the

city

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Then

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this

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circle will repeat again and again.

As a result

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, small villages and towns will be isolated and ignored. Some of them might disappear in a short period if no one cares about

this

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problem. In conclusion, we need more companies or job opportunities in rural areas as well. It is very important that governments try to tackle

this

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issue.

Submitted by dob.jeong on Sun Nov 10 2024

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task achievement

To strengthen the response, consider elaborating more on the potential problems caused by the migration trend, like overcrowding in urban areas or loss of agricultural productivity in rural areas.

coherence cohesion

Enhancing coherence can be achieved by using more linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly. This will improve the logical flow of the essay.

introduction conclusion present

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively summarize the main points.

relevant specific examples

You provide relevant examples, such as the story about your friend traveling for a job fair, which adds depth to the discussion.

logical structure

The ideas presented are clear, and the points are generally well-organized, aiding the reader's understanding.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

285 words

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In many countries, people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas. Why do you think that is? What problems can this cause?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Students in school and university learn far more by lessons with their teachers compared to other sources(example: television and internet). Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that only the government can make significant changes in society, while others think that individuals can have a lot of influence. What is your opinion?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

University education should be free ro everyone, regardless of income. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries governments are investigating in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think is an appropriate use of government money?