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Band 3

Missions to explore space are hugely expensive, and there are problems on Earth which demand attention. The number of these missions needs to be reduced. Do you agree or disagree?

#missions #space #earth #demand #attention
Missions to explore
space
 are hugely expensive,and there are
problems
 on Earth which demand attention. And people should
give
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 attention to Earth’s
problems
,because it is our
planet
 where we live. Development and production of rockets and spacecraft require a lot of resources. The expenditure for the preparation and launch of these rockets is astronomical.
Additionally
, scientific research as part of
space
 missions and experiments on board spacecraft is
highly priced
Add a hyphen
highly-priced
show examples
.
For instance
, the
space
 mission "Curiosity" to Mars cost NASA's budget 2.5 billion dollars.
This
 includes the development and launch of the spacecraft,
as well as
 scientific research and mission operations. On Earth, there are more
problems
 than in
space
,
such
 as climate change, poverty, hunger, education, and environmental pollution. The use of plastic can lead to air and water pollution, which would affect the health of mankind and ecosystems.
However
,exploration
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
space
 and other planets as Mars,can help with
investigation
Correct article usage
the investigation
show examples
climate
Change preposition
of climate
show examples
,management
resources
Change preposition
of resources
show examples
 and development of new technologies.
Also
,in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of
Earths
Change noun form
Earth's
show examples
pollution
Add a comma
pollution,
show examples
 we can move to another
planet
 with civilisation. All in all, Earth is our home, our
planet
. We should prioritize spending our budget on solving Earth’s
problems
 to ensure a clean and sustainable environment for ourselves and future generations. By saving our
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
, we can
then
 focus on exploring
space
, knowing that we have fulfilled our responsibility to protect and preserve our
planet
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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structure
Your essay could benefit from a clearer introduction and conclusion. Try to start your essay with a strong statement that presents the topic and your position (agree or disagree). End your essay with a summarizing conclusion that restates your main points and stance.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that subsequent sentences support that idea. The use of cohesive devices like linking words and topic sentences can help improve the flow of your essay.
examples
You provided some relevant examples, which is good. However, make sure to fully elaborate on them, explain their importance, and directly link them back to the question to clearly demonstrate their relevance to your argument.
task response
Your essay includes a response to the task, but make sure to address the prompt more completely. In this instance, discussing the other side of the argument (the benefits of space exploration) and then explaining why you believe Earth's issues should take precedence would provide a more balanced task response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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