Some people think that children are having to much free time and this time should be use to study more. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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Many believe that
kids
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have to
study
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in their leisure
time
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because they have plenty of free
time
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. In my opinion, I strongly agree with the statement for many reasons , one is to help them improve their knowledge and prevent them from social media risks .
To begin
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with ,spending free
time
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studying, and doing some useful things plays an important role in children life's and shapes their personalities.
This
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means that those who
study
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in their free
time
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can become in a significant position in the future . Like scientists or ministers.
For example
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, all the leaders around the world said they made an effort and studied hard in their previous years to become Kopp what they are now .
In addition
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, supervision and guidance must taken into consideration in order to ensure they moving the right way . With regard to, nowadays
kids
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have much
time
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because of several reasons one of them is not much responsibility . It might bring negative consequences ,
such
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as , absolute accessing social media that has aggressive ideas and useless information , so if they spend all their leisure
time
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on these platforms , it would create a dangerous generation.
For instance
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, research showed that 70 per cent of
kids
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at school had aggressive behaviour
due to
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the
time
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consumed on smartphones .
To sum up
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, the majority of people believe children have to spend their free
time
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on
study
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, so it seems to me that the effective way to raise your
kids
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in a healthy environment is through
study
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by asking them to spend their
time
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on something that can bring benefits for them
Submitted by rwnalanezi on

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task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments, adding credibility and depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Use appropriate transition words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, presenting a coherent structure that outlines and sums up the main points.
task achievement
The main points of the essay are generally relevant to the topic, providing a reasonable response to the question.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • detrimental effects
  • mental well-being
  • life skills
  • communication
  • teamwork
  • empathy
  • physical development
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • unstructured play
  • cognitive development
  • academic performance
  • fatigue
  • motivation
  • quality over quantity
  • work-life balance
  • time management
  • well-rounded personality
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