IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

the most important aim of sciense should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

#aim #sciense #people #lives
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It is true that in
this
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 day and age, opinion is divided over whether the most significant purpose of
science
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 is to raise
people
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’s standard of living. In
this
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 essay, I will look at both sides of
this
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 argument
as well as
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 offer my point of view. Turning first of all to the argument in favour of
this
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 idea, it goes without saying that scientific development can improve the rate of
people
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’s
lives
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 because it may have some new investments or discoveries which can assist
people
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.
For example
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, some electrical devices like computers and smartphones have continued to support
people
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's
lives
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 since they developed and it has become indispensable things today so scientists have developed new materials to make our
lives
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 more comfortable and convenient. As far as the other side of
this
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 argument is concerned is generally acknowledged that the aim of
science
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 should not be to help
people
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’s living. In 1945, America decided to drop atomic bombs on Japan.
As a result
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, a lot of Japanese died caused by that. Like
this
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 example, some development materials with
science
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 can make
people
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 unhappy and hinder opportunities for future development. By way of conclusion, from the ideas and examples above, it can be seen that there are valid arguments on both sides of
this
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 debate.
However
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, I am of the opinion that in the grand scheme of things, the most important goal of
science
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 is to improve
people
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's
lives
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, because new scientific developments may make
people
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 miserable, but they
also
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 save many
people
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 and make their
lives
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 more convenient.
Submitted by yusei.nakano on

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task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by presenting both sides of the argument, and it offers a clear conclusion that aligns with the writer's viewpoint. However, some sentences could be polished for better clarity. For instance, the phrase "the rate of people’s lives" could be rephrased to "the quality of people’s lives" for better understanding.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion, which frame the essay well. The logical structure of the essay is sound, but transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to ensure a seamless flow of ideas. Phrases like "turning first of all" and "as far as the other side of this argument" can be improved to more naturally integrate the transitions.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear and concise introduction, setting the stage for the discussion effectively.
supported main points
Both sides of the argument are presented fairly, with relevant examples supporting the points made. This balanced approach strengthens the essay's credibility.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and provides a clear stance, neatly wrapping up the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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