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Band 5.5

the most important aim of sciense should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

#aim #sciense #people #lives
It is true that in
this
 day and age, opinion is divided over whether the most significant purpose of
science
 is to raise
people
’s standard of living. In
this
 essay, I will look at
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both sides of
this
 argument
as well as
 offer my point of view. Turning first of all to the argument in favour of
this
 idea, it goes without saying that
science
Replace the word
scientific
show examples
 development can improve
rate
Add an article
the rate
show examples
 of
people
’s
lives
 because it may have some new investments or
discoverise
Correct your spelling
discoveries
 which can assist
people
.
For example
, some electrical devices like computers and smartphones have continued to support
people
's
lives
 since
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 developed and it has become indispensable things today so scientists have developed new materials to make our
lives
 more comfortable and convenient. As far as the other side of
this
 argument is concerned is generally acknowledged that
aim
Correct article usage
the aim
show examples
 of
science
 should not be to help
people
’s living. In 1945, America decided to drop atomic bombs on Japan.
As a result
, a lot of Japanese died caused by that. Like
this
 example, some development materials with
Correct your spelling
science
sciense
Correct your spelling
science
 can make
people
 unhappy and hinder opportunities for future development. By way of conclusion, from the ideas and examples above, it can seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there are valid arguments on both sides of
this
debates
Fix the agreement mistake
debate
show examples
.
However
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am of the opinion that in the grand scheme of things, the most important goal of
science
 is to improve
people
's
lives
, because new scientific developments may make
people
 miserable, but they
also
 save many
people
 and make their
lives
 more convenient.
Submitted by yusei.nakano.0516 on

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Vocabulary
Try to develop your arguments more deeply with a wider range of vocabulary to enhance clarity and precision.
Grammar
Consider using a variety of sentence structures to make your essay more engaging and to demonstrate your language skills.
Coherence
Keep working on organizing your paragraphs around one main idea each and use clear topic sentences to improve readability.
Task Achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion by equally developing both sides of the argument in your essay.
Introduction/Conclusion
You effectively introduced the topic and provided a clear conclusion that reflects your standpoint, which strengthens the overall structure of your essay.
Supporting Examples
You have successfully used examples to support your arguments, making your essay more persuasive and relevant.
Logical Structure
The logical flow between your ideas and paragraphs is commendable, aiding the reader's understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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